NEW YORK -- When I vote for a Democrat, the last thing I worry about is whether he'll be able to get along with the Republicans. I never consider his ability to reach across the aisle, or his willingness to act in a bipartisan manner or take conservatives into consideration. Quite the opposite: I expect that Democrat to fight like hell to stop Republicans from getting any of their stupidass ideas enacted into law. If I wanted a Republican, I'd vote for one. But I don't. And if a Democrat sells me out -- by voting with the Republicans on anything important -- I will never vote for that Democrat again, for by that one sin he is no Democrat at all.

Never once have I ever met -- or heard of -- anyone who voted for a Democrat because he was willing to suck up to the GOP.

The same, of course, is true for Republicans. Republican voters vote Republican to promote Republican ideas and ideals and to prevent Democratic ideas and ideals from becoming reality. I have known many Republicans. They want to kick Democratic butt, not kiss it. They don't lose any sleep over legislative gridlock or "the harsh tone in Washington."

To hear pundits and politicians tell it, you'd think we were living in an alternate reality where Spock wears a beard and gravity goes up, and what we the people really want is for Democrats to lie down with Republicans and peacefully coexist.

"Republicans and Democrats come to this floor with different philosophies, different agendas," new Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle told the newly Democratic Senate June 6. "In this divided government . . . we are required to find common ground and seek meaningful bipartisanship."

U.S. President George W. Bush, trying to assuage Americans riled by his judicial coup d'etat, used similar language in the days after his installation by the GOP Supreme Court.

Addressing the current energy crisis, Minority Leader Trent Lott also joined the cry for cooperation: "Will we really be able to address the energy needs in this country, or will we take partisan positions and try to assess blame?"

And Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y., put to rest rumors that Democrats would now hold up Bush's rightwing judicial appointments using "dilatory tactics." Good God, man, why the hell not?

Of course, there's much less to this latest round of cooperation-bipartisanship rhetoric than meets the ear. Despite losing the election, the Bush administration has ruled to the right of Ronald Reagan since seizing power. And don't look for more Clarence Thomases to fly through the confirmation process any time soon. Nonetheless, it's still baffling that these politicians -- who even if they don't know ordinary voters personally, employ pollsters who do -- think that we want anything short of total warfare between left and right.

It's well known, for instance, that Orrin Hatch, a Utah Republican, and Ted Kennedy, a Massachusetts Democrat, are personal friends. Among Washington insiders, their relationship is symbolic of a laudable camaraderie -- today we join battle, but tonight we drink. Most Americans, however, consider such cynical alliances a perfect reason not to trust their elected officials. How can you best represent my interests while you're teeing off with my mortal political enemy?

Bipartisanship, by extension, is simple political treason. When Democrats vote for Bush's $1.3 trillion deficit-busting tax cut for the ultrawealthy, they sell out every citizen who voted for them. When Republicans vote for the Democrats' pissant $600 per family tax rebate, they betray all of their supporters. Of course, free-trade agreements are the ultimate insult to members of both parties -- Democrats because they're supposed to protect American workers, and Republicans because they're supposed to protect American businesses. Free trade benefits transnational, foreign corporations at the expense of both.

"Why vote? Both parties are the same." It's the refrain of the ignorant, the apathetic and the stupid. But with Democrats pledging to act more Republican and vice versa, who can say it's wrong?

Obviously it's sometimes necessary to horse-trade to get things done. But an era of diminishing party loyalty and uninterest in politics requires renewed attention to the reasons people choose candidates in the first place. Give us back the good old days of filibusters and gridlock and partisans who'd rather die than socialize with members of the other party -- we have nothing to lose but low voter turnout!