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“But there’s mole sauce, right?” my boss remarked when I expressed my initial disgust at Lotteria‘s chocolate & honey mustard grilled chicken burger. There is mole sauce, it’s true. And I love mole! Spicy chocolate is great! In fact, why not just do a mole burger? That would have been fine. What was not fine was . . .

It could just be that I am not built to eat Lotteria. The chicken sandwich was offensive before I even opened the chocolate. Half of the meat was actually fat and skin, and the bun was already getting soggy from the mayo splotch and sweet mustard sauce. The lettuce was entirely too biological in its sliminess.

The chocolate itself, a collaboration with Lotte brand Ghana Chocolate, is a consistency between shampoo and pudding. If that meant something silky and luxurious, maybe it would be okay, but instead it significantly upped the grossness factor of this sandwich, without really adding anything so mind-blowing.

As I bit in, it was as if a blister popped. Was this thing advertised with a “juicy hot chicken oil center”?! I don’t think so!

After the initial shock I tried to focus on the interaction of the mustard and the chocolate, but quite frankly, the mayonnaise got in the way. The bit of spice might have been the beginning of something interesting flavor-wise, but if that were the object, why honey mustard? Wouldn’t the chocolate have been sweet enough?

Lotteria has been doing fries with the Ghana Chocolate sauce for a couple weeks now, but we didn’t go there. Neither did the Ghana Chocolate pie seem terribly appetizing after this wreck of a sandwich. So, my advice to you this Valentine’s Day week is to go stand in line for a box of real cacao lovin’, because the chocolate honey mustard grilled chicken burger is only fit for batsu game punishment.

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