A foreign woman married to a Japanese is concerned about her son who refuses to go to school, a problem that is shared by a lot of other families today. Many kids are revolting against Japan's education system. It could be an indication that they are getting smarter, but unfortunately it doesn't make them better educated.

Authorities would rather not talk about it because it might influence other youngsters to do the same, but there is a movement to set up alternate schools for dropout kids. Sometimes teachers are sent to the home, sometimes regular classes are held away from the schools. She should check with her ward and city offices and see what is available. It is a problem Japan is grappling with, but there are no solutions in sight. The much lauded education system no longer works for everyone. Recently some universities have been hiring instructors to teach essentials to new students who spent so much time studying for entrance exams that they missed the basic education they now need. A sad situation however you view it. All those juku hours and they don't know anything but how to pass a test.

Actually, her choices are limited. She can't make her son do what she knows is best for him. It is important that he understands how she feels but he will not necessarily adapt to her ideas. It is very likely he won't but he will remember, and if she is lucky (as most are) it shows up later. Many have gone through similar experiences. Since there is little she can do but hold on to her standards and set a good example, I tend to agree with her now-successful husband who suggests that she give him a chance to find himself. He too was a school dropout.

But that's not enough, is it? If she wants to talk to someone who is familiar with such problems, she can contact the school that has been established for children with special needs. They have a list of specialists in all fields. It is unlikely that anyone could inspire her son at this stage but there is always the possibility that some suggestions could be beneficial -- and they might be able to help her. She could get some ideas on how others have coped. Tokyo International Learning Community, in Mitaka, (0422) 31-9611. Many people whose kids are not physically or mentally handicapped seek their help. In a way, her son is handicapped, but it is by the system.

There is possible help if she is a member of the Association of Foreign Wives of Japanese. There is an Internet site where women share problems and it is quite possible that others, too, have school dropouts. The Kanto membership chairman is wine expert Sandra Shoji, phone (0489) 58-8337.

I would suggest that she help her "reasonably proficient" son with his English. Some kids have benefited from going to school overseas. Yes, there are disadvantages, but it might help. A few years ago, some stressed kids were twisting their hair and pulling it out, eventually leaving empty spots on their heads. One boy I know was sent to the U.S. He liked his school, stopped pulling out his hair and graduated with a good record. He is back in Japan and doing well at a university. Another who dropped out at 15 is now in Brazil where he decided to enroll in school. He is working hard to learn the language and is progressing rapidly.

I don't know if this has provided any help. If I knew the answers, I'd be a government consultant. It is a huge problem and the ramifications for Japan's future are tremendous. So many things are breaking down. I would guess the country is in for some exciting times. Her son is in the forefront. I wish him luck. And for her, I would wish the gift of patience. It can take a while, but I have high hopes for today's kids. I sometimes wish that people would get concerned enough about conditions to DO something about them, but then I realize how many active NGOs there are, and realize a lot is being done. Her son is a part of what can be an advantageous change. It won't be easy and it won't be all good; old values assure harmony and conformity, change creates turmoil, or for Japanese, "confusion." However, it may become necessary to face these changes and the country may be better for it. The important thing now is to find a way for these kids to get involved instead of just dropping out.