Once upon a time, I was a normal guy, just like the rest of you. I'd get up, go to work and ride the trains with the other half-dead souls in this cold city.
Then it happened: I was holed up in some flea-bitten art house one moonless night when a glowing rat bit me on the ankle. What it gave me sure wasn't rabies. I don't know if it was due to the high amount of caramelized popcorn the rodent had consumed over the years, but I do know that when I got home, something had changed — I had acquired powers.
I found that I could see through shallow plots, stomp blockbusters to pieces in less than 750 words and telepathically sense what would happen in the final reel. Crap actors would feel my wrath!