How patriarchy perpetuates among Tokyo’s Indian migrants

"Girls should be soft-spoken and dress modestly." When I was growing up in my hometown of New Delhi, this phrase summed up expectations of women — ideas that, to this day, remain deeply ingrained in my country, despite advancements in gender parity.

After moving to Japan — a country known for its polite and soft-spoken interactions — I discovered that Japanese women faced similar social pressures. Furthermore, based on my contact with migrants both in Tokyo and Berlin, where I now live, I have observed how the status of married Indian women is to a certain extent influenced by the broader female condition of women in their host societies.

Belonging is a complex concept for migrants. Born in one country, the experience of living in different places leads us to develop a sense of home in multiple locations. As we immerse ourselves in novel environments, we adopt and learn new cultures that, in turn, shape our existing values.

I had hoped that moving to Japan would free me of the pervasive “good wife, wise mother” mantra that exists there as in India. However, as a naive 24-year-old navigating a new cultural landscape, I realized at the outset that I was replacing one set of expectations with another. Furthermore, when I rebelled against patriarchal norms, this often left me to question my identity as I grappled with the definition of "right" and "wrong" in the context of my gender. I felt stuck between a well in front and a ditch behind, as the Hindi proverb goes.

India and Japan are both patriarchal societies that adhere to stereotypical gender roles — albeit gradually evolving ones. When I first moved there, Japan appeared to me more progressive than my own country. In India, the ideal image of a “good woman” is one who dresses in traditional attire, while those who wear Western outfits and drink alcohol, for instance, are looked down upon. And, although drinking culture is slowly gaining more acceptance, the moral evaluation of women based on such behaviors, as well as their clothing, remains prevalent. That doesn't mean that men are not also judged for drinking alcohol, but in their case, the issue is seen more as health-related than moral.

My initial impression was that Japanese culture was less judgmental toward women who drink. However, this was challenged when I observed that women were compelled to follow a certain etiquette when drinking with men: pouring drinks for them, entertaining them and at least acting as if they were entertained by them — even if some of the laughter sounded fake, admittedly.

Throughout my 14 years living in Japan, I also observed India's rapid development from afar. Back home, my unmarried female peers made significant strides, securing high-level positions in their respective companies. However, things were very different for some of my married friends. While some thrived in their careers, others were discouraged from pursuing such paths. Instead, they were expected to fulfill the traditional roles of stay-at-home wives or mothers.

The deeply rooted notion at play here is that men deal with the outside world, while women are confined to the domestic sphere. A parallel mindset prevailed in Japan, presenting an additional layer of challenges for women — who more seldomly than men occupy top positions in business and political spheres — in professional settings.

When Indian migrants move to Japan, some positive changes can often be observed in their behavior, such as the adoption of local customs like punctuality and orderly queuing — adjustments crucial to fit into the host society’s social and professional structures, especially for those looking to succeed in their new surroundings.

However, migrants may also unconsciously absorb negative cultural aspects, failing to recognize them as such mainly because they grew up with similar practices. The position of women is one such complex and nuanced issue.

My research has revealed that Indian husbands in Japan often encourage their wives to work. However, childcare and household chores are more often than not handled by women, although some husbands do offer support — in fact, more so compared with men back home.

Overall, Indian women in Japan have found ways to shape their own paths, often compromising the choice or speed of their careers to benefit their families.

Upon moving to Berlin, the first married Indian woman I interviewed was a senior manager working in the life sciences industry. "I am actively promoting gender equality in my team by ensuring an equal distribution of men and women, and balanced work assignments," she told me.

As I got more involved in the Indian community in Germany, I often saw women take on the role of organizers while men offered their support. I observed women display strength openly, bolstered by (Indian and non-Indian) men.

My move to Berlin brought the sense of liberation I had originally sought in Japan. Meeting like-minded individuals in a more gender-equal society made my behavior feel normal and I felt free of the constant scrutiny of whether I was living up to certain expectations.

It is important to note that Germany’s progress in terms of gender equality is far from perfect. The European Institute of Gender Equality ranks it 11th among European Union nations in its 2023 Gender Equality Index. But if we look at the latest Global Gender Gap Index compiled by the World Economic Forum, while Japan and India were in 125th and 127th place respectively, Germany was ranked 6th out of 146 countries.

The Indian women I encountered in Tokyo were exceptionally resilient — just as strong as their counterparts in Berlin. However, their strength was not always nurtured as they were expected to embody the traditional ideal of a calm and poised "good woman." In the workplace, men dominated the upper tiers, and my interviewees often complained of ego clashes and "mansplaining" — when a man explains something to a woman or gender nonconforming individual in a condescending way — coming from Indian men more often than from their Japanese counterparts.

It is crucial to acknowledge the complexity of the influences at play in migrant communities. Indian men in Japan face their own struggles, but they also often unconsciously perpetuate the social norms they grew up with. For example, some Indian men express admiration for Japanese women's femininity and conservative dress style, leading to expectations that Indian women should adopt these. Meanwhile, in Berlin, men experience a more equitable treatment of women in workplaces, and family and community settings, challenging their preconceptions and shaping their attitudes.

Based on my fieldwork and personal experiences, I am surprised to observe the subtle changes in patriarchal norms within the Indian communities I have experienced both as a migrant and a researcher. Despite both groups being equally committed to preserving their culture, in Berlin, the Indian community demonstrates comparatively more awareness of gender equality. On the other hand, the Indian diaspora in Tokyo — possibly influenced by a blend of Japanese and Indian norms — unconsciously fostered a more patriarchal structure.

I hope that, as the relationship between India and Japan, and the number of Indian migrants to Japan continue to grow, both societies actively work to challenge inequality by recognizing and dismantling harmful gender norms.