When U.S. President Donald Trump attended the Summer Grand Sumo Tournament finale May 26, some say he injected growth hormone into the “ugly American” stereotype, the strongest dose since July, when he was late to meet Queen Elizabeth, didn’t bow or apologize, then strode cavalierly ahead of her during an official ceremony. But I disagree: Trump operates along a peerless cross-cultural plane that mere mortals cannot fathom. Trump exists beyond all “loser” notions of “protocol.”

Some say Trump, lounging in a specially provided chair in the VIP section instead of sitting cross-legged on traditional zabuton cushions, personified arrogance and pig-headed cultural inflexibility.

But I disagree: Trump is beyond reproach in his noble defiance of cultural norms. Trump showing respect for non-American customs is beneath his undisputed dignity!

Some say Trump presenting the first-ever President’s Cup to tournament champion Asanoyama was dog-like, as if his life’s goal is to leave his mark on every path he crosses.

But I disagree: With the trophy, Trump is continuing his selfless, life-long effort to spread his boundless benevolence to all mankind. Trump embodies transcendent righteousness and purity of heart!

Some say if Trump maintained his weight, lost 50 years, and learned the meanings of “discipline” and “strategy,” he could be a low-level komusubi contender in sumo’s top makuuchi division.

But I disagree: Had Trump pursued sumo, he would’ve been awarded its highest rank, yokozuna, even before stepping into the dohyo. Trump’s tremendousness requires no challenge!

Some say the Japanese Sumo Association lost respectability by bowing to government pressure and accommodating Trump’s infantile whims and gargantuan ego, placing transactional politics over multi-century tradition.

But I disagree: Trump’s unparalleled depth of wisdom, enlightenment and self-awareness supersedes all fuddy-duddy, anachronistic rituals. A life-size, solid-gold Trump statue must replace the Emperor’s Cup in all future Grand Sumo tournaments!

Ganbare, Trump!


The opinions expressed in this letter to the editor are the writer’s own and do not necessarily reflect the policies of The Japan Times.

In a time of both misinformation and too much information, quality journalism is more crucial than ever.
By subscribing, you can help us get the story right.