At 4:25 p.m. on Thursday, shockwaves reverberated across the nation: Shohei Ohtani — the Los Angeles Dodgers superstar and Japan’s most eligible bachelor — announced via an Instagram post that he was now married.

I immediately went to alert my Snapchat friend group, only to see that I had been beaten to the punch by another friend who had posted a selfie of herself at work with the caption along the lines of “Ohtani is married — that’s it for me.”

This was a common reaction from both those who avidly follow baseball and those who are fans of Ohtani’s cute, puppy-like face, his 193-cm athletic physique, his charmingly awkward personality ... and did I mention he is an international superstar? Much like a pop idol, Ohtani’s departure from the dating market obliterated the fantasies of millions around the globe.