I know, I know, bottled water is terribly unethical these days. Pinching a natural, life-sustaining resource and flying it to rich people in faraway lands is a bit naughty, all that packaging is trashing our planet, and our taps dispense safe water for less than ¥1 per liter — or a little more than 7,200 times cheaper than Fillico, the spring water from Kobe that comes in Swarovski crystal-studded bottles (¥5,250 for 720 ml).

Though Fillico is at the this-marketing- lark-is-such-a-breeze- these-chumps-will- buy-anything end of the spectrum, there are over 500 other brands of bottled water in Japan, and last year alone we gave them ¥190 billion for a liquid that they told us was pure and natural and clean and glacial and crammed with minerals we’ve never heard of but need.

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