Here’s a sure-fire way to make sure your Valentine’s Day crush never replies to you: Tell them you’ll cook them some chocolate yakisoba (fried noodles). This isn’t even an appealing combo on paper, but the folks behind this ungodly mutation know enough knuckleheads like me will buy it for the novelty. The snack (¥180) combines regular convenience store-grade noodles with cinnamon-accented chocolate cubes and a pungent chocolate sauce. It’s a marriage that’s doomed from the start: the savory noodles and cloying toppings clash, and the result is a deeply miserable experience.

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