The Japan Olympic Committee and official sponsor NOVA have struck upon the bright idea of offering free English lessons to athletes in the peak of their training for the Sydney Games.

English lessons, it has been suggested, are a good way to reduce athletes' anxieties about competing abroad, and will help them to greet other athletes, check schedules and question Olympic officials.

Although the timing couldn't possibly be worse, with athletes training hard to erase the memory of Japan's worst-ever results in Atlanta, lessons are not such a bad idea. Olympic history is littered with the misfortune of athletes who missed events because of language, scheduling or transport mixups.

But with just eight weeks to go, athletes will be hard-pressed to learn anything of use. What they need is a lightning course in survival "Eigo" (English) or, more to the point, Strine (Australian). And NOVA employs an army of Australian native speakers able to teach the following course (also handy for deciphering the blathering of Australian television sports commentators).

On arrival

* G'day mate -- Hello, sir.
* 'ow ya goin? -- How are you?
* Beaut -- Well, thank you.
* Got a tinny? -- Can I have a can of beer?
* Too right, mate. -- Yes.
* Dinkum? -- Real, authentic.
* Fair dinkum! -- Real, authentic.

Getting your bearings

* Walkabout -- Wander.
* Oi! -- Excuse me (Good for hailing taxis).
* Beyond the black stump -- A very long way away (also Woop Woop: places you don't want your taxi or bus driver to go).
* Bush -- Outside the city.
* Cooee -- Word to call out to someone (useful if lost).

The Olympic Family

* Bloke -- Man.
* Sheila -- Woman.
* Cobber -- Friend.
* Ocker -- Boorish Aussie.
* Pom -- English person.
* Sepo -- American person.
* Hoon -- Hooligan.
* Drongo -- Silly person.

In the Games village

* Brekky -- Breakfast.
* Tucker -- Food.
* Lamington -- Sponge cake layered in chocolate and coconut.
* Crook -- Defective, sick.
* Arvo -- Afternoon.
* Flat out like a lizard drinking -- Very busy, or not busy at all.
* Icypole -- Popsicle.

Chatting with officials

* Take a slash -- May I have a urine sample?.
* Bog -- Lavatory.
* Balls up -- Screw up.
* Barney -- Dispute.
* Biff -- Punch, fight.
* Bloody -- (used for emphasis, e.g. bloody balls up).
* Bloody oath -- Certainly.
* Blue -- Fight (also person, nickname for redhead).
* Boofhead -- A fool.
* Galah -- A parrot; or noisy person making no sense.

Cheering for your team

* You little ripper! -- You did very well.
* On ya! -- Well done.
* You bewdy! -- That was very good.

Toasting a victory

* Piss -- Beer.
* Schooner -- Glass of "piss."
* Shout -- To pay for someone's drink.
* Two pot screamer -- Weak drinker.
* Yobbo -- Uncouth, aggressive person.
* Ponce -- Wimp, effeminate male; homosexual.
* Rack off -- To leave.