Aum Shinrikyo's former chief doctor, Ikuo Hayashi, weeped bitterly Wednesday at the Tokyo District Court as he testified on the 1995 gas attack on the Tokyo subway system.
"The two (subway station employees) died because they bravely picked up the plastic bags (of sarin) in an attempt to restart subway operations," Hayashi said. "And I, as a doctor, was supposed to help (save) people's lives, but ..." he broke off.
As his weeping reached a climax, Hayashi placed his head under the witness stand desk and the presiding judge ordered a break. While detained for police questioning shortly following his arrest in April 1995, Hayashi said he considered suicide as a means of demonstrating his continued belief in Aum dogma, which permits murder if needed to protect the cult's existence, he said.
"(After being arrested), I thought I had to either die or (confess)," he said. As no opportunity to kill himself arose, he decided to confess everything he knew to police investigators, he said.
Asked by his lawyer how he feels about the sarin victims, Hayashi told the court, "I know I will never be forgiven, no matter how much I may apologize. I don't think I should be alive."