This column is for Kim Bostwick, who is moving to Japan this week. I've made a list of pertinent things to know for her smooth transition into Japanese culture. Do these things, and people will mistake you for a native Japanese:
1. The first Japanese word you should learn is not "konnichiwa" or "ohayo gozaimasu." It's "shinhatsubai!" which means "new product!" Notice the word is always spelled with an exclamation point, even in kanji. "New product!" refers to a new item that has just arrived on the shelves in any given shop, restaurant, cafe, convenience store, laundromat, pet store or fertilizer shop. Ah, the lure of the latest new product! Dream about it, pine for it, and become obsessed with it to the point that you must have it as soon as possible. Travel long distances to get it, rearrange your whole day around it, even stand in line for it. If not, you will lie awake at night regretting that you didn't get in on the latest thing. And you wouldn't want that now, would you?
Your aim is to be the first person among your friends or colleagues to try the new cherry blossom-flavored potato chips, buy the newest computer gadget or to eat at that new restaurant in town.