Recently, I have had this creeping crud on my hands. I get it every year.
It looks like poison ivy — except that it isn't. How cruel to have only the effects of something and not the actual something. At least if I had poison ivy, when someone asked, "What is that creeping crud on your hands?" I could say, "Well, funny you should ask. It's poison ivy!" And everyone would say, "Oh yes, poison ivy. Please take care." They'd understand. But now when people look at me itching my hands, I know what they're thinking: she has fleas.
I'm sure I don't have fleas though because I wore my cat's flea collar for a while just in case. I put the collar around my wrist. But everyone thought it was one of those ionized bracelets. C'mon, I'm not that crazy. Maybe if I added a little bell it would be more obvious that it's just a cat flea collar.