Dear Prime Minister Aso,
I would like to apply for the position recently vacated by Seiichi Ota — that of agriculture minister. I can empathize with you on the current rice scandal and I believe I can help you overcome this. As a matter of fact, I evaded authorities for years while working as an independent contractor under the title of Master of Coverups for Defective Products. In addition, I have another qualification for becoming Japan's agriculture minister: I like cows.
As you can see by my enclosed resume, I started working in the food business in 1997, with Snowball Brand Milk Products, Inc. You may recall the food poisoning incident that summer that affected 14,000 people? That experience was invaluable. Let's just say I now know a lot about enterotoxin A.