Being rude to restaurant servers is a terrible transgression. As much as I abhor it, I confess I’ve been guilty of the offense. More often than not, it’s because I was "hangry.”
The neologism combining "hungry” and "angry” has been around since at least 1956 and made it into the Oxford English Dictionary in 2018. Often, it’s used as a punchline: "I’m sorry for what I said when I was hangry” on greeting cards or t-shirts, for example. It’s implied in the Snickers ad where a football player bites into a candy bar and reverts to civility after being a caustic and abusive Joan Collins in pure Dynasty diva form. "You aren’t you when you’re hungry” goes the tagline.
The trouble is, when you’re hangry, a very primal you emerges. It’s no laughing matter.
Before hunger registers in your consciousness, your body is aware it’s reaching a point of nutrient depletion. As your stomach empties, the hormone ghrelin travels from your gut to signal your brain to seek food. It also stimulates the adrenal glands atop your kidneys to secrete both adrenaline (the "fight-or-flight” hormone) and cortisol (which, to conserve energy, results in a slower metabolizing of fat). These two substances are also triggered by stress.
Historically, hunger has been a blight on humanity; huge swaths of the world continue to be in food crisis. But many of us are complicated creatures. As individuals, we often starve ourselves, for example, by pursuing weight loss as an expression of vanity, shame, guilt or other psychological stresses; or by skipping meals because of work deadlines and career pressure.
Worried about weight control, I will skip breakfast as I intermittently practice intermittent fasting. By the time I am famished and dashing to a nearby favorite restaurant for a late lunch, my body chemistry is at the point where even a slightly negative stimulus (a tone of voice, a passing look, or a disappointment that sets off a micro-flash of bad memories) can spark confrontation or anger. I’ve walked out of restaurants when told that something I love on the menu wasn’t available. I’ve complained before walking away. I’d soon after feel ashamed of my behavior, but the social damage has already been done.
The harm doesn’t just fall on restaurant workers at lunch time. Hanger can wreck carefully constructed relationships at home and work. If it causes you to snap at valued colleagues or sensitive relatives, it may take days or weeks of effort to repair the damage. Sometimes, the emotions set in motion by your being "upset” may never be rebalanced.
It’s easy to fob off being hangry on the autonomous interplay of hormones. But, what our bodies have set in motion can have awkward consequences. And so here are a few tips from personal experience to be able to field mind over hanger:
Check your temperament at specific times of the day. Impatience is a signal that your body is irritated. You’re probably hungry. Don’t wait for the pangs. Remember when you last ate as a marker of when your body may start to need more. Some experts suggest it’s every three to four hours for at least a nutritious bite.
Try not to skip a nutritious breakfast. The emphasis is on nutritious: Junk cereal and the snacks with high fructose can skew your body’s sense of satiety and lead to more hunger-related stress.
Don’t forget to drink water. Hydration fills the belly, of course, but more importantly, it helps flush out the higher glucose levels that result from stress hormones.
Be prepared for disappointments or negative stimuli that might trigger hangry responses. Consciously prepare alternatives in case your favorite dish isn’t available; or when a co-worker surprises you with news that a project is going to be late. Escape from ire with Plan Bs. If you’re dieting, be conscious that depriving your body of nutrients puts your brain in emergency mode — and you’re likely to imagine conspiracies against you like a soap-opera villain plotting revenge. That’s all more easily said than done, of course.
Being hangry is something we’ve all felt and we can recognize as it’s taking over. So, let’s resolve to be aware of the conditions that contribute to hanger — and take ourselves and others out of the path of irrational rage. Peace is hard enough to forge in the broader world. Let’s each try to build it among ourselves meal by meal.
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