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SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Divorce stories these actuality-disfigured days normally generate a heated rush of page-turning; they’re as monotonous as the bores getting unshackled.

Leave it to a pair of dreadfully imaginative, privileged point guards to reverse that tendency and appropriate our unadulterated attention.

Within the last week, we’ve been alternately taken aback, titillated and turned off by Steve Nash’s startling divorce announcement the day after his wife gave birth to their third child and first son (earthquakes have more tender timing), and Tony Parker’s code of misconduct involving the exiting wife of a former teammate.

Alejandra Amarilla, Eva Longoria and Brent Barry should have seen this coming.

In stark-raving reality, all three did get a heads-up, but not until their marriages were too messy or recurring, in the case of Nash’s wife, anyway, to clean up.

In a terse statement released to a checkmated Phoenix press corps that has given its audience nothing more than spoon-fed, bare-bone particulars, Nash admitted the couple — wed in 2005, a year after twins, Lola and Bella were born — has been separated for over two months.

Had Nash waited a while to run the pick-and-roll out of his wife’s life he would have hardly aroused suspicions about how badly their marriage had failed. But he was out of there and back on defense in a hurry. Talk about postpartum depression.

Had such an extreme situation involving a world-class athlete unspooled in need-to-know New York, the dirty lowdown would have seeped out within days, if not weeks before the fact, accompanied by quotes, some even attributable, from snitches of all shapes and sizes.

How long do you think it would have taken before a picture of the bouncing boy, Matteo, was splashed across a front page or two?

On the other hand, the media here has avoided digging for dirt on Nash and asking loaded questions in fear of finding a key to his skeleton closet that would stain his holier-than-wholesome image and, worse yet, terminate access to the state’s most captivating public figure.

Still, surely someone — a gossip columnist, Suns beat writer, opportunistic reporter who just happened to be out and about working on his own night moves — must have stumbled upon the knowledge that this wasn’t the couple’s first separation.

Two seasons ago, I’ve learned and confirmed, Alejandra returned to Paraguay with their girls for six-to-eight weeks. I’m told she left Steve to decide whether he wanted to be a family man or to continue living by the sword.

Obviously, they worked it out . . . albeit temporarily. Hopefully, Nash’s next press release will explain what the unsolvable problem was this time.

That brings us to Parker, the latest cheating heart to get caught sexting . . . in this case, back and forth, with Erin Barry. Apparently the frisky Frenchman can go non-stop for hours.

Shutting out for the moment the inescapable hurt and embarrassment felt by innocent family members caused by abject selfishness, have we learned nothing from Tiger Woods?

Or even Richard Nixon, for that matter?

Delete or shred and you don’t have to deny and deny.

It’s bad enough to communicate behind your spouse’s back, but even more insulting to pursue a relationship so incompetently. If you don’t even take the meager step to contaminate the crime scene, you really must not care.

Sounding very much like you know who, Parker, in essence, claims, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

As for Parker’s antics, “This is really upsetting,” lamented a single friend of a friend. “If a man can’t be faithful to someone who looks like Eva, how I am ever going to find a man I can trust?”

I told her she was looking at it all wrong.

Parker was not first to file for a split. Disrespected woman cannot be beaten to divorce court. Everyone knows Parker would have simply surrendered.

The commotion overshadows the great head start the Spurs have gotten . . . although even Boise State thinks their schedule has been weak. But 12-1 is 12-1.

* * * * *

Tale of two forwards: The Thunder are 6-2 playing without Kevin Durant. Nuggets are 1-11 when Carmelo Anthony fouls out. After picking up his sixth against the Blazers, Nicholas Batum rubbed it in, saying “Every time he’s goes left, I know he’s going to spin.”

Hedo Turkoglu went 0-for-8 from the field and was cheered by Orlando fans, whereas, Grant Hill had a team-high 21 points and was booed last Thursday.

Raptors rationale for trading Jarrett Jack to the Hornets was twofold: Contract of Peja Stojakovic ($14.2 million) is expiring and Jose Calderon, whose confidence/game haven’t been the same since losing the starting spot, now has it by default.

Bryan Colangelo removed the competition and brought in Jerryd Bayless, an established understudy. Far be it from me to suggest Stojakovic had worn out his welcome in New Orleans, but he was run out of town by Tony Hayward.

Jason Richardson says if there’s a lockout he’ll consider playing overseas in the Eastern Conference . . . The Warriors haven’t had an All-Star player since 1997, before Latrell Sprewell brought turtlenecks for coaches back into fashion, but Monta Ellis is on target (I’ll say) to snap the streak.

Peter Vecsey covers the NBAfor the New York Post.

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