Finally, here is a book that explains the ramifications of a decision I made 24 years ago when I married my Japanese husband in the United States. Although some of my Japanese friends passed along valuable cultural insights, I mostly had to figure things out on my own, such as differences in communication styles and values -- just the kind of things covered in Nancy Brown Diggs' book "Looking Beyond the Mask."
Of course, there are challenges in every marriage, regardless of the nationalities of the partners. In bicultural marriages, not every disagreement can be blamed on cultural differences; some might be the result of personality or gender clashes. In fact, Diggs' informants in this book generally believed there were far more similarities than differences between themselves and their spouses. Some even extended this observation to include their respective families as well.
And yet, cultural differences are very real and must be acknowledged. As an example, the American wives in "Looking Beyond the Mask" unanimously agreed that their Japanese husbands are serious, responsible and hardworking. Yet these positive traits can turn into negative traits when a man sacrifices himself to his work. According to the Japanese, this is simply what a man does and must do to provide security for his family.