I would like to draw readers' attention to the outstanding work of the municipal government of Isesaki, Gunma Prefecture. After receiving complaints that citizens find bearded men unpleasant, Isesaki — just as all levels of Japanese government often do — took decisive action to address an important public concern: The city announced a ban on beards for municipal workers.
Isesaki deserves our thanks for recognizing that allowing beards is the first step along a slippery slope. If we let government workers get away with improper grooming, the next thing you know they will start being creative and ask inappropriate questions like, "If we are actually trying to reduce carbon dioxide emissions, maybe we shouldn't make expressways toll-free?" or, "Why don't we budget more to ease the national shortage of child-care facilities instead of giving parents a per-child payout every month?"
Allowing city workers who are able to grow beards to do so would also be unfair to those who cannot, and would undoubtedly cause widespread mumbling among workers of phrases rarely heard in Japan (and thus unfamiliar to most foreigners — hence the translations) such as "zurui" (unfair) and "urayamashii" (I'm envious). After all, as any foreigner in Japan knows, "Japan is an egalitarian society" (a phrase that's heard almost as often as "You are very good with chopsticks"). As my colleague, a male tenured full professor with an M.A. from Tokyo University, said (upon returning from his recent sabbatical in Hawaii) to a gathering of limited-term foreign instructors with Ph.D.s (while being served tea by a Japanese woman contracted to work for no more than three years whose total annual pay is less than his yearly bonus), "Everyone must be treated equally."