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For many young Japanese, marriage — and sex — are low priorities

by

Staff Writer

This is the fourth in a five-part series on Japan’s population woes caused by its graying society and low birthrate.

Nakamura, an 18-year-old university student, winces whenever he imagines himself dating a girl.

“I mean, I would have to pay attention to what I wear and rack my brains to figure out where I should take her for a date. . . . It’s just too much of a hassle,” he says.

Nakamura, who asked to be identified only by his surname, is happy to remain single. He says it’s much more fun playing video games and chatting via texts all night with his male friends than going on a date.

The economics major at a school in Tokyo has never had sex, but he says he is OK with that. A part of him does fantasize about getting married by the age of 30, but he hastens to add: “I don’t think that’s possible.”

Nakamura is among the young people in Japan that studies show have become increasingly pessimistic toward, or even averse to, romance, sex and marriage — a demographic that, if left unattended, could further accelerate Japan’s population slide.

Experts point to a variety of factors contributing to this mindset, from the advent of the Internet to financial insecurity to improving career opportunities for women.

A survey released last January by O-net, a marriage counseling firm, found that 74.3 percent of the nation’s 20-year-olds were not in a relationship, compared with 50.0 percent in 1996, when the company launched the annual poll. A separate 2015 survey by the Cabinet Office covering 7,000 people in their 20s and 30s found that about 40 percent of singles in their 20s were “not looking for a relationship” to begin with, thinking “romance is a hassle” or that “they would rather prioritize enjoying their hobbies.”

Going without sex seems to be on the rise as well, especially among men.

A biennial study by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA) Inc. shows that the percentage of men in their late 20s who “have no interest in” or “despise” sex stood at 8.3 percent in 2008 before climbing steadily to reach 21.6 percent in 2014. To top it off, a survey by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry revealed that the percentage of unmarried 20-somethings who do not wish to have children surged to 15.8 percent in 2012 from 8.6 percent in 2002 for men, and to 11.6 percent from 7.2 percent for women.

Unlike a few decades ago, youths today have grown “disenchanted” with the idea of romance, experts say, due largely to what they see as the not-so-successful wedlock of their parents.

“It’s not that their parents are overtly at loggerheads with each other and their marriage is disintegrating. But they don’t look super happy being together, either,” says marketing writer Megumi Ushikubo, author of “Renai Shinai Wakamonotachi” (“Youths Who Aren’t Into Relationships”). The JFPA survey in 2014 found 44.6 percent of married couples in Japan were not engaging in sex for an extended period.

Their parents’ lackluster marriages, coupled with the phaseout of what were called “trendy” TV dramas that inspired many youths into romance during the economic boom in the late 1980s and early 1990s, have resulted in today’s youngsters having no “role model” in relationships, according to Ushikubo.

What little interest they have in relationships, then, finds its outlet in digital communities, where they fall in love with anime and manga characters, and become addicted to an array of dating simulation games, says Masahiro Yamada, a professor of sociology at Chuo University.

In addition, Yamada says, Japan’s birds-and-bees education has overly emphasized on “negative” aspects of sex, such as the risks related to rape and teenage abortion. That has helped students develop an almost instinctive aversion to real-life physical relations, he says.

Nakamura, the university student, knows all about infatuation with the unreal.

“In anime, everything is perfect. Girls are all cute and guys are handsome and strong. I wish my real life were like that,” Nakamura says, adding his gaze has grown so accustomed to the otherworldly prettiness of anime characters that he sometimes feels disappointed by the appearance of the female students at his university.

In those rare moments when his libido gets the better of him, Nakamura turns to his smartphone in search of an online porn video for quick masturbation.

“I’m not interested in real-life sex. Just watching those videos is enough,” he says.

Another reason for young people’s avoidance of romance and sex has to do with Japan’s prolonged economic downturn and insecure financial prospects, says Dr. Kunio Kitamura, chairman of the JFPA. The lack of financial security makes the young, particularly men, balk at approaching members of the opposite sex, he says.

Yosuke Hiwatashi, a 23-year-old Kagoshima resident, is a case in point.

Hiwatashi, single and living with his parents, makes money as a dispatch worker to run optical fiber lines to households.

His monthly take-home salary averages ¥150,000, which shrinks to between ¥20,000 and ¥50,000 after buying necessities and paying off the debt to his parents for his university days. If he wants to go out for a drink or two with his friends, Hiwatashi must ask his parents for permission.

But the uncertain nature of his job, such as erratic days off and unusual working hours, makes it difficult for him to hang out with friends in the first place. As such, he says, he winds up spending most of his days off surfing the Internet and watching anime on TV.

“With the kind of money I earn, I can barely scrape by,” Hiwatashi says. “I’m far from fit because I’ve stopped working out after taking up this job. But I can’t afford to buy myself nice clothes, either. Why would women feel attracted to a guy like me?”

Meanwhile, women have their own reasons of not being married, writer Ushikubo says.

Although still far from being satisfactory, Japan’s corporate culture has made significant headway over the years in embracing the female workforce, she says.

In traditional Japanese companies, “it used to be that, as a female employee, you were pressured by your boss to get married and quit by the age of 30. But such treatment would be recognized as harassment in today’s society, and at least women are not forced to quit their jobs,” Ushikubo says.

But this freedom to pursue a career has resulted in women delaying getting married. Some, she adds, postpone it until they meet what they believe to be the most perfect bachelor possible, blissfully unaware such an opportunity rarely arises.

Rika, a 21-year-old university student, says she isn’t into relationships. Hanging out with friends and hunting for a job are far more important priorities for her at the moment.

An aspiring TV anchorwoman, she is also adamant that she will live her life as a dedicated businesswoman.

“Who decided I should be a wife or mother in (the) future just because I was born a girl?” asks Rika, who declined to give her family name.

Now that the Supreme Court has recently upheld the constitutionality of a Civil Code provision forcing married couples to adopt a single surname, Rika says that even if she did find the right partner, she might choose not to register her marriage to avoid complicating her career development. She doesn’t want to have a child, either.

Not all youths, however, are as pessimistic toward, or indifferent to, romance and marriage as Nakamura, Hiwatashi and Rika. Some youngsters are merely too shy to approach the opposite sex, despite their inner desire to start a relationship.

Akira, who plays guitar in a band at his university, says he hopes to get married by the time he turns 40, but marriage is low on his wish list. Waiting for his friends one November evening in front of Shibuya Station, he says he wants to pursue his music activities as much as possible while he’s still young and “just try whatever catches my interest.”

That is not to say, though, that he is uninterested in romance. Akira says he wants to have a girlfriend — it’s just he is not desperate to get one.

“I don’t think I would go out of my way to approach girls. I would just wait until the right girl shows up.”

  • Kessek

    Must be a Tokyo problem.

    • KuroPansa

      Or maybe we are the problem ? See my other comment ;)

    • overmage

      not really. If anything it’s even worse in the countryside because of brain drain to the cities exacerbating the issue

  • KuroPansa

    What’s interesting is that they have assumed love for sex and relationships a decade later. Marriage, dating and sex goes from “useless” to “defining”. This is not a problem, and I agree with that way of thinking. They’re just waiting for more maturity before engaging into a serious relationship. I think that’s much wiser than Western societies behaviour.

    • CWT

      Studies have shown that the population in Japan will shrink to half by the end of this century. It’s not just a Tokyo problem, however with all the other distractions of a major metropolis it would be more predominant there.

      • Blair

        That would put Japan at twice the population of Canada with a mere fraction of its arable land

      • Filmie

        Canada is much more than twice the size of Japan.

      • Blair

        Perhaps English is not your first language. I suggest reading what I wrote more closely. Cheers!

      • Blair

        Perhaps English is not your first language. I suggest reading what I wrote more closely. Cheers!

      • Blair

        Perhaps English is not your first language. I suggest reading what I wrote more closely. Cheers!

      • Blair

        That would put Japan at twice the population of Canada with a mere fraction of its arable land

    • eclipse x

      but the problem lies ahead, the childbearing age is too old, so its quite problem to the mothers. and resulting they assuming to have no children.

  • Dekachin

    I never found sex a problem… nor trying to fight back women to get married with…

  • Raymond

    I kinda feel the same way when it comes to relationships and sex. When I was in high school, always wanted a girlfriend but after 300 tries I just gave up. I’m 29 now, I play lots of video games, watch anime and hang out with my friends more then I do trying to get a girlfriend or have sex. But, it’s not to say that I don’t want romance in my life but the japanese are right it can be a hassle.

    • brokedownsystem

      300 tries? ^_^

    • brokedownsystem

      300 tries? ^_^

    • overmage

      really doubting that 300 tbh

      • Raymond

        I was over exaggerating iy was really 162 times.

    • overmage

      really doubting that 300 tbh

    • Aleks Joans

      No need to get a girlfriend. They only want black guys anyway. Carry on.

    • Aleks Joans

      No need to get a girlfriend. They only want black guys anyway. Carry on.

  • Einelorelei

    We live in very traumatic times. I think that’s a big reason why this is happening.

  • Sara H

    Sad for them. Meeting my spouse is the best thing that ever happened to me.
    Maybe they just need to get out and make friends with the opposite sex,
    but without placing expectations on that.

    Just be friends. A true marriage, a true mating of two people, is finding your best friend.

    Not, finding a box that society says they should look like, or be like. Or
    what you should be like. Just be yourself, let them be themselves, and
    find your best friend and love them.

    • Tania

      I agree. wish there was a like button.

    • Tania

      I agree. wish there was a like button.

    • eclipse x

      yes.. just socialize.. attracted or not attracted its another issue, over time: if suitable and gradually have mutual feeling, try to bring up the relationship into another level..

    • Dekachin

      The work expectations is a contributing factor to not being able to socialise. You have enough time to catch the last training home, sleep to get up for the next days’ work…can’t leave the office before the boss which is usually not before 10pm. days off are spent catching up on sleep, cleaning your room (often the actual size of apartments) and shopping

  • James Roberts

    Have more children Japan, don’t let the liberals turn you into brainwashed morons, and close your borders.

    • bravesfandevotee

      Are you going too pay for the children?

      • overmage

        who will pay for the elderly’s pensions and healthcare in thirty years?

      • overmage

        who will pay for the elderly’s pensions and healthcare in thirty years?

      • Blair

        In 50 years there will be a lot fewer elderly

      • overmage

        That’s not the way it works. There will be less elderly, but there will be even less youth – meaning the population pyramid will become extremely skewed.

        Japan has one of the longest lived populations in the world. In 50 years there will be a lot of elderly and very few youth. Now answer my question again, who will pay for their pensions and healthcare then?

      • Blair

        trends go in more than one direction…a generation will have to endure greater taxation and a country roughly the size of California will have reduced the strain caused by unsustainable population growth

      • overmage

        so basically you couldn’t refute that Japan will go to taxation hell for one entire generation (generally a fun way to cripple a country’s economy). Planet talk is irrelevant since this topic is only about Japan.

      • Blair

        Planet Japan has even more reason for concern with the paucity of its arable land…What’s needed is a more sustainable economic model not more people to suffer under the old one

      • Aleks Joans

        You seem to have a paucity of ideas.

      • Aleks Joans

        You think in extremely simplistic terms. Overmage is correct. And the “unsustainable population growth” and the “parasitic cancer” is in the third world countries, particularly in Africa with millions of hungry mouths to feed. They just keep spawning more & more because they know the western countries will feed them by working harder and longer and abstaining from having their own families.

      • Aleks Joans

        You think in extremely simplistic terms. Overmage is correct. And the “unsustainable population growth” and the “parasitic cancer” is in the third world countries, particularly in Africa with millions of hungry mouths to feed. They just keep spawning more & more because they know the western countries will feed them by working harder and longer and abstaining from having their own families.

      • Aleks Joans

        You think in extremely simplistic terms. Overmage is correct. And the “unsustainable population growth” and the “parasitic cancer” is in the third world countries, particularly in Africa with millions of hungry mouths to feed. They just keep spawning more & more because they know the western countries will feed them by working harder and longer and abstaining from having their own families.

      • Aleks Joans

        You think in extremely simplistic terms. Overmage is correct. And the “unsustainable population growth” and the “parasitic cancer” is in the third world countries, particularly in Africa with millions of hungry mouths to feed. They just keep spawning more & more because they know the western countries will feed them by working harder and longer and abstaining from having their own families.

      • Aleks Joans

        You think in extremely simplistic terms. Overmage is correct. And the “unsustainable population growth” and the “parasitic cancer” is in the third world countries, particularly in Africa with millions of hungry mouths to feed. They just keep spawning more & more because they know the western countries will feed them by working harder and longer and abstaining from having their own families.

      • Aleks Joans

        You think in extremely simplistic terms. Overmage is correct. And the “unsustainable population growth” and the “parasitic cancer” is in the third world countries, particularly in Africa with millions of hungry mouths to feed. They just keep spawning more & more because they know the western countries will feed them by working harder and longer and abstaining from having their own families.

      • Aleks Joans

        You think in extremely simplistic terms. Overmage is correct. And the “unsustainable population growth” and the “parasitic cancer” is in the third world countries, particularly in Africa with millions of hungry mouths to feed. They just keep spawning more & more because they know the western countries will feed them by working harder and longer and abstaining from having their own families.

    • bravesfandevotee

      Are you going too pay for the children?

    • John Higson

      In the end, demographic problems will work their way through the system and Japan will emerge the better for it! With a lower population, less strain on resources, more sustainable and probably with a higher GDP per capita, even though the absolute GDP will be a fraction of what it is now!
      Saying ‘who will pay for the old people?’ is typical ‘kick the can down the road so someone else has to deal with it then’ thinking! When you get to that point ‘down the road’ the problem is just bigger and more intractable. Best to bite the bullet now and prepare for the inevitable than face the crash later!

  • Allen White

    One of the biggest problems is the corporate mindset and the unrealistic demands of getting the highest possible amount of MONEY that you can grab, women and their families are VERY tough about the MAN making a lot of money to support the family. Materialism above all ! It’s sad.

    • かぞくとせいしゅん

      But how else to do it? We live in a cash nexus.

    • Aleks Joans

      Money isn’t just important. Money is everything. Nothing is possible without it, and with it, all things are possible. Money is power. Money is life. Money is GOD.

  • Tania

    Wow! But, the thing is that people again all over the world not just Japan make beauty only on the outside. And there are women who may not be models and such that get nothing but degrading looks, or bullied cause they are not narrow-minded men and women think are beautiful.

    And the fact that they make things out to be so hard on themselves for perfection. NO ONE is perfect. Take me for example: I am a single mom (about to turn 40) of 1 child, never been married, yes I am heavy set and part of that is because of genetics on my Italian side of the family. I eat healthy but my weight and size has not changed for 18 yrs. I eat only 1200 calories if that a day. But I have been called a beach whale, ugly, not worth the air I breathe, ect. You name it I have been called it, but those people don’t know me at all…I love to cook, clean, sing, dance, read, write, draw and the most important thing to me is family.
    I am a firm believer that treat others the way you want to be treated, I don’t believe in sugar coating things, the truth and being honest is the best and that everyone is entitled to their opinions, but with that being said if it’s not nice keep your mouth shut, because you don’t know what that person has been through or is going through and what you say could just push them to the edge. If you are not attracted to that person fine, but to judge them because of the way they look that is not fair cause they could end up being the most beautiful person inside.
    I feel for a lot of the younger generations or guys even in Japan cause they feel like they have to do everything. I guess I am weird cause for a guy to have to stress on things like taking his GF to really nice places to eat, or having to buy stuff. What happened to the occasional flower, or hand written note just saying they love you, or making them dinner, or giving your partner a massage or even just going on a walk together and spending time. Why does it have to be about money?!?!?! Like I said I guess I am just weird, I would be happy out in the country with a garden, a good sturdy house, books, music and someone to share it with. But oh well, My dream is to live in Japan one day cause I love the culture, food, people and just the raw beauty. I know people will probably do thumbs down on this or write mean things but I guess its just because those people were not raised to care.

  • Tania

    Wow! But, the thing is that people again all over the world not just Japan make beauty only on the outside. And there are women who may not be models and such that get nothing but degrading looks, or bullied cause they are not narrow-minded men and women think are beautiful.

    And the fact that they make things out to be so hard on themselves for perfection. NO ONE is perfect. Take me for example: I am a single mom (about to turn 40) of 1 child, never been married, yes I am heavy set and part of that is because of genetics on my Italian side of the family. I eat healthy but my weight and size has not changed for 18 yrs. I eat only 1200 calories if that a day. But I have been called a beach whale, ugly, not worth the air I breathe, ect. You name it I have been called it, but those people don’t know me at all…I love to cook, clean, sing, dance, read, write, draw and the most important thing to me is family.
    I am a firm believer that treat others the way you want to be treated, I don’t believe in sugar coating things, the truth and being honest is the best and that everyone is entitled to their opinions, but with that being said if it’s not nice keep your mouth shut, because you don’t know what that person has been through or is going through and what you say could just push them to the edge. If you are not attracted to that person fine, but to judge them because of the way they look that is not fair cause they could end up being the most beautiful person inside.
    I feel for a lot of the younger generations or guys even in Japan cause they feel like they have to do everything. I guess I am weird cause for a guy to have to stress on things like taking his GF to really nice places to eat, or having to buy stuff. What happened to the occasional flower, or hand written note just saying they love you, or making them dinner, or giving your partner a massage or even just going on a walk together and spending time. Why does it have to be about money?!?!?! Like I said I guess I am just weird, I would be happy out in the country with a garden, a good sturdy house, books, music and someone to share it with. But oh well, My dream is to live in Japan one day cause I love the culture, food, people and just the raw beauty. I know people will probably do thumbs down on this or write mean things but I guess its just because those people were not raised to care.

  • https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbYHGGfnYhlIxTif_tAGnTw Tania

    Wow! But, the thing is that people again all over the world not just
    Japan make beauty only on the outside. And there are men & women who may not be models and such that get nothing but degrading looks, or bullied
    cause they are not narrow-minded men and women.
    And the fact that people make things out to be so hard on themselves for
    perfection. NO ONE is perfect. Take me for example: I am a single mom
    (about to turn 40) of 1 child, never been married, yes I am heavy set
    and part of that is because of genetics on my Italian side of the
    family. I eat healthy but my weight and size has not changed for 18 yrs.
    I eat only 1200 calories if that a day. But I have been called a beach
    whale, ugly, not worth the air I breathe, ect. You name it I have been
    called it, but those people don’t know me at all…I love to cook,
    clean, sing, dance, read, write, draw and the most important thing to me
    is family.
    I am a firm believer that treat others the way you want to be treated, I don’t believe in sugar coating things, the truth and being honest is the best and that everyone is entitled to their opinions, but with that being said if it’s not nice keep your mouth shut, because you don’t know what that person has been through or is going through and what you say could just push them to the edge.

    If you are not attracted to that person fine, but to judge them because of the
    way they look that is not fair cause they could end up being the most
    beautiful person inside. I feel for a lot of the younger generations or guys even in Japan cause they feel like they have to do everything.
    I guess I am weird cause for a guy to have to stress on things like taking his GF to really nice places to eat, or having to buy stuff. What happened to the occasional flower, or hand written note just saying they love you, or making them dinner, or giving your partner a massage or even just going on a walk together and spending time. Why does it have to be about money?!?!?! Like I said I guess I am just weird, I would be happy out in the country with a garden, a good sturdy house, books, music and someone to share it with. But oh well, My dream is to live in Japan one day cause I love the culture, food, people and just the raw beauty. I know people will probably do thumbs down on this or
    write mean things but I guess its just because those people were not
    raised to care.

  • Eddie Lutz

    If Japanese were stupid like too many societies around the world they would be marrying young and having at least five children with no way to feed, shelter, or clothe them.

    • eclipse x

      there is no wrong of having many children even if they are poor, being poor doesn’t mean they neglected their children though.

      • Sara H

        There’s something wrong when the Earth simply can’t support that many humans. Yes there is.

      • Aroli Marcellinus

        how do they feed them? working until dead and sacrificing what they wanna do in order to make the children happy? Damn man, I would rather not having any children than sacrificing my life just only for children

      • かぞくとせいしゅん

        Such a materialistic response.

      • Aleks Joans

        Join the Peace Corps and you’ll get to see first hand how many poor families neglect their many children which they keep spawning.

    • かぞくとせいしゅん

      Their ancestors were virtuous, and they lived virtuous lives with large families and limited material goods.

      They have fallen in their virtue.

    • かぞくとせいしゅん

      Their ancestors were virtuous, and they lived virtuous lives with large families and limited material goods.

      They have fallen in their virtue.

  • bravesfandevotee

    From American male perspective female have push the standards for a male to be with them so high that at least 35% of the population has no chance too be in a decent relationship unless we settle for the low of the low. Sadly most men here in the states will have sex with almost any woman. I’d love to meet a sweet Asian lady!

    • Rebecca

      So you resent the fact that the more, what, attractive, educated, healthy and wealthy women reject men who are not their equals? Why would an 8/10 woman go for a 5/10 man when she can attract a 7, 8 or 9/10 man? Perhaps men with less to offer will just have to accept that they can only attract women with less to offer. Asian women are the same as women every where and also wouldn’t settle for a man with little going for him. They’d certainly reject being patronised as “sweet”.

      • Sara H

        Rebecca, most women aren’t wealthy. Most people aren’t wealthy for that matter. ;)

        And, actually, most western men find a very easy time getting women in Asia. Even very average, geeky, overweight guys can almost get any woman in Japan.

        Nor, do Japanese women find it patronizing to be considered “sweet”. Japanese women consider it a compliment and empowering to be sweet, and girly, and feminine, and do traditionally domestic things. “Joshi-Ryoku” means girl power in Japan. But it doesn’t mean being “strong and independent” like it means in the west. It means expressing your “girly power” and having strong abilities in skills like looking cute, and fashion, and makeup, and cooking, and things like that.

        Japan doesn’t have a problem with being feminine the way the west does. It’s not considered “childish”. It’s something even adult men are allowed to wear pink or have cute keychains and no one cares.

        No, women aren’t the same everywhere, western society really does push a very strange standard on women that women in the rest of the world don’t really embrace as much.

      • Dekachin

        No no no. Many of the asian countries I have lived in the especially Japan any guy cannot get any women…the myth of Japanese girls are easy again…

      • PacE

        LOL if you show any respect and kindness, and they like you out of the gate, Japanese girls are very “welcoming”.

      • Aleks Joans

        Agreed. Just be respectful and have manners, i.e. don’t be a “barbarian”. Of course, it’s a good idea to shower and wear clean clothes. Amazingly, some guys just don’t know how to follow simple rules.

      • Aleks Joans

        Speak for yourself dude. Japan is a gold mine for dating, as most western guys realise. There is a HUGE difference between Japanese girls and western ones, especially american. Japanese women are rated #1 in the world as marriage material. If you’re having problems, well, you need to fix something about yourself and up your game.

      • Aleks Joans

        LOL, thankfully you’re very wrong. You apparently don’t know any Japanese women, as in those who are born and raised there. Speak for yourself.

    • Rebecca

      So you resent the fact that the more, what, attractive, educated, healthy and wealthy women reject men who are not their equals? Why would an 8/10 woman go for a 5/10 man when she can attract a 7, 8 or 9/10 man? Perhaps men with less to offer will just have to accept that they can only attract women with less to offer. Asian women are the same as women every where and also wouldn’t settle for a man with little going for him. They’d certainly reject being patronised as “sweet”.

    • Sara H

      To be fair, the standards of most women are simply:

      -He has a stable job, and stable finances.

      -He has his own place, preferably large enough for two people if he wished.

      -He is reasonably in shape.

      -He takes good care of his hygiene, is clean cut, and doesn’t smell.

      -He dresses nice, and has a sense of style. (Most men pay almost no attention to their fashion, and that’s not attractive to most women.)

      -Maybe he has a car or something.

      -He has some sort of life plan, and a realistic one at that, and is taking measurable steps to achieving it. Not a fantasy ideal, but something pragmatic and achievable.

      -He has confidence, and doesn’t mind taking the lead in the relationship, and letting the woman depend upon him and lean on him. And he is comfortable supporting, potentially another person.

      -He is sweet and honest, doesn’t lie, and is willing to communicate.

      That’s pretty much it, and if you look at that list, it’s not really unreasonable. Most of it just falls in line of “Be a responsible person who has their life together.”

      • Walter

        What exactly is the woman bringing in this scenario?

      • Dekachin

        expectations. i.e. her opinion of fashion for him is better than his comfort or his practicality. He should pay more attention to mass media and advertising…maybe he doesn’t need a car or something and is environmentally conscious and lives in walking distance to work? Oh no… can’t have that…that means his stable job earning enough to live off needs to be more so he can purchase materialistic items that he doesn’t need but must have to attract…?

      • Aleks Joans

        You don’t know? Go check out a porn site to see what they bring. It’s much better in person than on a screen.

      • Walter

        You don’t need to be married or in a relationship to get that. And to be honest I can’t blame someone for thinking that’s not worth the hassle of a marriage.

      • Aleks Joans

        You don’t know? Go check out a porn site to see what they bring. It’s much better in person than on a screen.

      • Aleks Joans

        You don’t know? Go check out a porn site to see what they bring. It’s much better in person than on a screen.

      • Aleks Joans

        You don’t know? Go check out a porn site to see what they bring. It’s much better in person than on a screen.

      • zontalsan .

        You call THAT simple? A simple contract maybe.

      • John Higson

        That simply isn’t simple. Your expectation are too high. In the real world, where you don’t get very lucky, those will have to be mitigated against what’s achievable and what can be met through negotiation.

        ‘Reasonably in shape’, ‘Fashionable’, ‘has a car or something’ and ‘Sweet and honest, has confidence’ are all optional extras. Been watching too many hollywood movies and reading too many romantic novels, have we? If not then you are, quite literally, the most old-fashioned, conservative person I have ever seen/heard of!

        And as my friend down the thread has commented, what are you bringing to the relationship/scenario? A vagina? I thought so!

      • Nancy Harrison

        After 12 yrs of marriage to a great guy who would have failed most of this list, I must make a few points. Why should sense of style matter anyway? Women are way too picky and are turning off good men with character. The things that matter are personal character (e.g. responsibility, hard work, kindness, willing to listen…it doesn’t come naturally to a lot of men). Looks and style say nothing about what kind of partner someone will be. Most men can be encouraged to have better hygiene. Often the most stylish and good-looking men are the biggest jerks. Men also want a woman who will trust and respect them even though they are perfect, and not just criticize everything they do.

      • http://www.subgenius.com/ General Public

        That list is completely unreasonable, especially in today’s economy. How can you expect a man to have a stable job and stable finances when almost NOBODY has a stable job and stable finances? And having his own place, having his car, having money, all that? Is the woman bringing anything AT ALL to the relationship or does the man have to be the provider for EVERYTHING? And if you want a guy with a sense of fashion, most of them are homosexuals with no interest in women at all, sorry but it’s true. If you are that concerned with a sense of fashion maybe you can buy clothes for him and tell him what to wear. And if a guy is honest and doesn’t lie that contradicts being sweet and supportive, if you ask him questions like “Does this make me look fat?” An honest man would reply “Why yes it does, sorry about that, it’s just the truth!” Good luck finding a man with that kind of unrealistic list of contradictory expectations!

        Is it that unreasonable that a man should expect a woman to have a stable job and stable finances, have her own place that is large enough for 2 people, be reasonably in good shape, take good care of her hygiene, be attractive, smell nice, dress well, have a car, have a realistic life plan that she is taking measurable life steps to achieve, have confidence and not need constant praise to compensate for low self-esteem, be sweet and honest, not a liar, not someone who changes their mind all the time or says one thing and does another or criticizes the man too much, and willing to communicate but not someone who communicates too much and won’t shut up? YES, those ARE unreasonable demands to make of a woman! And men DON’T expect all of that out of women because we KNOW it is way too much to ask! Most of us men don’t make unreasonable demands of women. Almost all women I know and have dated fail more than half the stuff on that list but most of us men are willing to make compromises and settle for less than what would be ideal.

        Maybe you should learn to make compromises and not set unreasonable demands. Be more realistic. If you openly admit that most men pay almost no attention to their fashion, just 1 item on your list, then you are automatically excluding most men from even being considered with just one of your items. That’s about as unreasonable as you can get. And the few men who would meet your criteria would be wealthy, very successful men who would use you as a disposable plaything and not really respect you at all. If you actually find a man who meets all those criteria he’d be so swamped with attention from other women you would either have no chance getting with him or he would be sleeping with everyone and just treat you as disposable. Maybe a man who doesn’t meet all those criteria and isn’t swamped with attention from other women, who you are more likely to meet in real life, is a better idea. You need to lower your standards. I used to have very high standards for women, hardly any of them met them, and then I lowered them and now many, many women meet them and I am happier. Anyone who actually met all your criteria would almost certainly be a rich jerk surrounded by other women who would pretend you meant the world to him and then throw you out as soon as he found someone better. Sorry, but that’s the truth, and one thing I am is very honest.

      • Aleks Joans

        LOL man, you’re just a ray of sunshine on a spring morning, aren’t you?

    • Dekachin

      Females or mass/social media/advertising?

  • Cosmic Dust

    Internet and porn, and VR soon, play big part of it. So this should be treated, as soon, they will find body is a hassle too.

  • brokedownsystem

    Japanese society today is an accelerated form of what we’re already seeing in the U.S. and other modern western countries. Women need men alot less, and men need women alot less, and so there is goes…plus, if we’re all so damn busy working 40+ hrs a week, nobody’s going to have as much interest in going out to socialize and date.

    • Aleks Joans

      Western people have no time for families of their own due to increasing responsibility to support more & more third world families by way of taxes, so many are working two or three jobs to keep up with the rising population of hungry mouths to feed. Western civilisation will die out, but we’ll always have Africa!

  • thedudeabidez

    And yet, just three days prior, in an article on sex ed, the JT told us:

    “… research shows that many females have already had sexual intercourse by the time they turn 18, and nearly half of today’s 20-year-olds are sexually active.”

    So not everyone has turned into disembodied brains mainlining anime.

    • Karagarga

      The editors do seem to lack cohesion on these important matters — or is it that the reader is being exploited by such headlines? Thanks for the heads-up and it’s something to bear in mind.

    • At Times Mistaken

      Are the two stories really at odds with one another? The survey on sexual activity cited in this article says ” the percentage of men in their late 20s who “have no interest in” or “despise” sex stood at 8.3 percent in 2008 before climbing steadily to reach 21.6 percent in 2014.” Those figures don’t seem to poke any holes in your quote from the other story.

      • thedudeabidez

        You have a point, sir. But look at the stat from the O-net survey, which says that “74.3% of the nation’s 20-year-olds were not in a relationship.” Yet the sex-ed research shows almost 50% of 20-year-olds are getting it on. I guess it depends on how you define a relationship ;-)

      • Ki Limo

        You don’t have to be in a relationship to engage in intercourse now do you?

    • brokedownsystem

      Good going, eagle eye.

    • brokedownsystem

      Good going, eagle eye.

  • Blair

    The Internet is littered with stories of MEGTOW and SEXODUS, so might as well change the title to “For many young men…”as this is hardly a Japanese phenomenon

  • PRADEEP CHATURVEDI

    BABIES are nuisance to have. There is no guarantee what will happen in another 25 years period. JAPANESE are the most intelligent species on planet earth . What they do today rest of the world does after 10 years. Career gives you satisfaction and not babies. I love Japanese for their other worldly qualities. If GOD gives me another chance i would love to be born in JAPAN. No nation can match JAPAN-SWEDEN in their fine blend of tradition and modernity. They are at least 100 years ahead of the rest of the rest of the world.

    • Sara H

      I will tell you that family and real friends gives most people satisfaction over just a job. A career is a way to make money. Family and friends are the people you look back on at your death bed and are glad you spent time with. No one wishes they spent more time at work when they are dying.

    • John Higson

      Not for long in the case of Sweden, they’ll be demographically gone in one, or at most two, generations! Such is uncontrolled immigration! The Japanese model is much more sensible and sustainable long term, even if it does mean a declining numerical population.

    • John Higson

      Not for long in the case of Sweden, they’ll be demographically gone in one, or at most two, generations! Such is uncontrolled immigration! The Japanese model is much more sensible and sustainable long term, even if it does mean a declining numerical population.

    • Nancy Harrison

      If you’ve never had a child, you have no idea how amazing and fulfilling they are. This comment is made out of ignorance. But you are entitled to living you own life and having your own opinions. But you may find yourself thinking otherwise after years of being alone and no one to pass your life on to in the end.

  • http://twitter.com/matty_125 matty

    tl;dr

  • MissUnFortune

    That’s too much!! What a girl needs:
    Pizza. And just warn her when she needs to be seen so she can dress the occasion. She doesn’t want to make you look bad by proxy which will piss her off.

    Done.

  • larryj8

    “I wish my real life were like that.”

    “I don’t think I would go out of my way to approach girls. I would just wait until the right girl shows up.”

    Sounds like some magical thinking going on here. If you go through life just expecting the right person to “show up”, well, the odds aren’t very good if all you’re doing is staying home playing video games and surfing the Net.

    • zontalsan .

      **ZEN MASTER SLAP**

    • zontalsan .

      **ZEN MASTER SLAP**

  • zontalsan .

    azz, grass, or gas baby

  • PacE

    “I don’t think I would go out of my way to approach girls. I would just wait until the right girl shows up.”

    Ya right, oh sure, that will work. LOL. fukushima folks, and the throwing under the bus of the civilian population by the Government. They KNOW that those they pay to protect them have thrown them to the wolves of the nuclear cartel.

  • PacE

    TY for honesty Sara H