Letters of child porn victims record their distress

Kyodo News

Some Japanese women who in their childhood were victims of pornography have written about their fears and anguish in being betrayed by adults they had trusted, and in imagining that lewd images of themselves as young children could be still circulating on the Internet.

In a letter to the Japan Committee for UNICEF, a college student in the Kanto region said she was sexually abused by her uncle, who took photos of her for six years from the age of 5.

“I didn’t understand what he was doing (at first), and smiled in responding to his requests,” she wrote.

Later she came to understand what her uncle was requesting and tried to reject him, but he threatened her by saying she would be arrested by police if these acts came to light.

After entering junior high school, she began to fear what might happen to the photos and repeatedly attempted suicide. When she gained access to the Internet, she said she looked for these images of herself as if she was “possessed.”

She said all the pornographic images she saw looked like her own and made her cry and vomit. But she could not stop searching, and said that as long as these images of her continue to exist she can never have a romantic relationship or marry.

“I cannot forget about my past. I feel like my life is over,” she wrote, adding the postscript “Please help me.”

Another woman, also in a letter to the Tokyo-based committee, said she wants those who read her letter “not to skip any lines” so they can learn about the reality of child porn.

It was the summer when she was 7 that her father took nude photos of her. Her mother was at work at the time.

Her father vanished when she was 8, and she does not know whether he is dead or alive.

After she became an adult, she heard about the child porn issue and started to fear the photos he took of her might exist somewhere on the Internet.

She collected “tens of millions” of online child porn images before opening a file one day and seeing herself. “I almost fainted,” she said.

She well remembered the room in which dozens of these photos of her were taken, as she smiled and struck poses completely naked, and recalled feeling angry at this innocent-looking 7-year-old. What if her husband were to find out?

But she decided to write about her experience because she wanted society to know “that there actually is a woman who has been hurt by the fact that those photos are irrecoverable and who is scared to death that people might know about them.”

“I sincerely hope that those despicable human beings who use little girls as tools to satisfy their distorted desires will be punished,” she wrote.