Have you been lucky enough to follow England's World Cup qualifiers or Liverpool's progress in the UEFA Cup on SKY PerfecTV recently? Let me rephrase that: Have you been clever enough?

My sympathies to the thousands of you out there who, not sure whether to plug your telephone line into the back of your toaster, washing machine or microwave oven, gave up and crawled, bleary-eyed, back into bed at 5 a.m.

To those who took the "lager route" and staked out a sports bar until the wee hours only to find themselves staring at a blank screen, I know a web site that will show you how to make Molotov cocktails. Just don't bung them at the pub landlord, cos it's not his fault.