"Artemis Fowl," Eoin Colfer, Puffin Books; 2002; 282 pp.

"Stay back, human. You don't know what you are dealing with."

But the human who hears this warning does know what he's dealing with -- fairies. He wants their gold, and he's planned out exactly how he's going to get it.

If you're tired of reading about kids that are way too good to be real, then here's a book about a 12-year-old who's almost too foul to be real: Artemis Fowl.