There are times in life when you need a monk. That's when you head out to Yamanashi Prefecture and climb up the sacred Mount Shichimen — to find Keishin-in Temple and get a Buddhist perspective on all things human, including love.

My friend Dale just broke up with his girlfriend, a great woman who was in fact was his soulmate. Dale is torn: At age 38, he is looking for the right woman, and he wonders if his quest for perfection — think Scarlett Johansson with a Ph.D in English literature — may be unrealistic and keep him from commitment.

"She was extremely subtle, curve-wise," Dale describes his abandoned love, blaming a lack of carnal chemistry for the split. It may sound shallow, but there is practical honesty in his approach. The more we get what we want in a partner, he holds, the more likely we are to be happy (and, conversely, the less likely to cheat). To some extent, then, the responsible thing is to be selfish when choosing a mate.