My least favorite part of being a film critic is probably going to see Michael Bay movies. And the most horrific Michael Bay movies of all are the "Transformers" ones. So when I heard that Bay's latest, "Transformers: Age of Extinction," clocked in at nearly three punishing hours filled with fireballs, flag-waving, and giant alien robots, I had to resist the sudden and nearly uncontrollable urge to swallow rat poison.
Thrilled by the fact I am still alive on this glorious summer afternoon, I resolved to take the advice of Thumper from Walt Disney's "Bambi": "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." Well, here goes ...
People who played with Hasbro's "Transformers" toys as kids — and still think that cars changing into robots is the coolest thing ever — can rest comfortably while viewing "Transformers: Age of Extinction," knowing that despite having grown older, hairier and wider of girth, their emotional maturity hasn't progressed a bit since the 1980s. Forever young, dude!