Show-biz awards ceremonies -- who needs 'em? They're formulaic, plastic, inane, banal, maudlin, crass . . . There's no end to the pejoratives one can use to describe them.

Despite all this, awards shows do serve a purpose. At the very least, they give people something to talk about besides the weather ("Did you see Toni Braxton's dress on the Grammys? It must have been held on with tape." "No, I'm sure it was glue . . ."). But they also help the movie and music industries promote what they so sensitively refer to as "product." Eminem's appearance on the Grammy show, for example, resulted in a big sales boost in major music markets, including Japan.

As you may know, the Grammy Awards are voted on by the members of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences. Over the years, the predominantly middle-aged members of NARAS have been criticized for being out of touch with the music scene. A classic example was when the hard rock/heavy metal Grammy went to Jethro Tull (!) in 1988. NARAS also got a fair amount of stick this year when veteran acts U2 and Steely Dan walked off with sacks full of awards, while younger, more contemporary acts didn't do nearly so well.