The most exciting thing to happen at our island's recent town hall meeting was the delivery of the "Inoshishi Report." The fact that a wild boar chose to become a resident of our island has unsettled the entire human-to-wild-mammal ratio, which used to be 521-to-0 (unless you count stray cats). The actual "Wild Boar Report" consisted of just two words — "Not yet," referring to its anticipated capture in a baited cage.

There are no eyewitnesses of the rumored suid, but a few people's gardens have been ravaged overnight as if they were all-you-can-eat buffets. The local policeman has dusted for cloven hoof prints and continues to collect evidence.

After the meeting, I went up to the village representative who had delivered the Wild Boar Report and asked, "What are you going to do with the animal once you catch it?"