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There is more to my son than the fact he’s a ‘half’

New father Ryan Surdick is tired of being told his son is cute — because it's always linked to the issue of race

by Ryan Surdick

For foreign residents, having a child in Japan can be a daunting prospect. Going to the hospital and trying to figure out what the doctor is saying in complex Japanese medical terms is just one of myriad trials.

However, as Kenji is my firstborn, I had nothing to compare this with — which, on reflection, is probably just as well. Now that the dust has settled, raising a child in Japan is pretty much as one might expect: busy, fun — and challenging at times. I’ve become an expert at changing diapers (30 seconds start to finish!), saying “No!” five times in a row, and have spent what seems like hours pointing at my face and saying “Dadadadadada.” All in all, I assume it’s not so different from having a child in one’s native country.

One difference I have noticed, however, is the way people react towards my son, based on the fact that he is half-Japanese. Many people have heard stories of elementary-age non-Japanese students being bullied or ostracized. This is surely unacceptable, but as my son is only a year old, this isn’t a problem yet.

On the contrary, people meeting Kenji for the first time often marvel at how cute he is (a correct statement, but I may be biased … ). “So what’s the big deal? Why complain about people saying your son is cute?” you might well be thinking. The problem lies not with the comment itself, but with the implication that he is cute because he is half-Japanese.

The word “half” often comes up when people meet my son for the first time. Statements such as “Yappari, hāfu ga kawaii” (“Just like they say, ‘halfs’ are cute”) or “Hāfu no me ga okii” (“Half [kids'] eyes are big”) are fairly common in first encounters. As with most transgressions in Japan, I would usually respond with a polite smile and say “thank you,” bury any misgivings and chalk the experience up to “cultural differences.”

In the West, most people would never think to call someone “half” — or, at least, they wouldn’t say it to your face. While it may be acceptable to call someone “half-Japanese” in certain contexts, rarely, if ever, have I heard of someone of mixed ethnicity being called simply “half.” In English, the word “half” by itself has a connotation of “not being complete” or possibly even “impure,” whereas “half-Italian” or “half-Chinese” has a more literal meaning.

In Japan, however, the word “half” has no such intended meaning, and it is apparently perfectly acceptable to use it in a casual encounter. According to Hafu Japanese, a project that promotes discussion about and understanding of half-Japanese individuals in Japanese society, “In modern Japan, the Hafu image projects an ideal type: English ability, international cultural experience, Western physical features — tall with long legs, small head/face, yet often looking Japanese enough for the majority to feel comfortable with.”

This positive perception of half-Japanese people, coupled with the fact that Japan is relatively culturally and genetically homogenous, makes it understandably difficult for the average Japanese to understand why the word “half” could be offensive. There is simply no way for the average person to relate.

In this context, it’s taken me quite a while to work out what exactly it is about the usage of the word “half” in Japan that bothers me. Though I know people don’t mean any offense by it, there is still a twinge of repulsion when I hear the word. For a long time, I assumed it was just the English connotation influencing my perception of people’s meaning.

However, I’ve come to realize there’s more to it than this. The real problem I have is not with the word itself, but rather what it signifies about the user’s thinking. It’s often one of the first things people say when they meet my son. “Half” immediately becomes the defining characteristic of him to anyone he meets in Japan. And along with this comes a whole host of assumptions.

People are much more than the sum of their physical characteristics. I realize, of course, that Kenji is only 1 year old and there aren’t a lot of other ways to define him yet. But I fear this classification based on the fact that his father is not Japanese will only lead to issues in the future that needn’t be created in the first place.

Obviously, it’s human nature to latch onto something that makes a person unique when we try to fix them in our memory. We often use terms like “the bald guy” or “the girl with glasses and a ponytail” when referring to people we don’t know by name. In large part, these types of statement don’t bother me, partly because of the brevity of their existence. People quickly come to know other individuals by more than these simple descriptions, providing they get to know the individual at all. “The bald guy” soon becomes known as “George”; if we never meet again, he is forgotten.

In Japan, though, the “half” classification seems to stick. It is forever associated with a person. It becomes a label. People have referred to my son’s “halfness” and then have not been able to remember his name. Often, people look at him, look at me, then say with a smile, “Hāfu?” as if to confirm his genetic identity before asking his name or how old he is.

This is clearly evidence of a person’s ethnicity eclipsing their identity. Remembering someone by the fact that they’re of mixed parentage is as useful as recognizing someone as the “woman with pink glasses.” It says nothing about their character and reduces a multi-faceted personality to two dimensions. This type of thinking is a slippery slope that furthers compartmentalized, stereotypical thinking — something I think most people would agree should be avoided.

Is Japan the only society that makes these assumptions? Most certainly not. It’s in our nature to stereotype. Even in the U.S., the self-proclaimed melting pot, people routinely class others based on their race or appearance — and it’s no more right there than it is here. But the Japanese cultural concept of uchi/soto — inside/outside — makes it all the more troubling that multiracial individuals are categorized according to their “halfness.” Such pigeonholing can surely only hinder the integration of bicultural individuals into mainstream Japanese society.

For people of mixed ethnicity who grow up, work and live here, this “racial profiling” can be a lifelong irritant. As a young half-Japanese man named Chikara Dean, quoted in an article on the Japan Today website, says, “I had some Japanese people who would stare at my face seemingly in wonder that I could speak fluent Japanese.” Much as the terms gaijin or gaikokujin push the fact that an individual is not Japanese to the forefront of the speaker and listener’s consciousness, “half” segregates people who are culturally, linguistically and genetically part-Japanese from the rest of the society in which they have been raised.

Having been referred to as “gaijin” more times than I can even hope to remember, I have at least some insight into how much of a pain these labels can be. But in my case, cultural integration is not something I’m seeking. I can live, work and get along just fine in Japan as the perpetual “guest.” But I wonder how it would be to grow up like this. How would a lifetime of these “psychological micro-aggressions” affect an individual? Could that person ever truly feel Japanese? Would they even want to? Or does it rob them of part of their cultural heritage? These are questions that only bicultural individuals can answer.

So does this mean I’ll go about my daily life correcting everyone that calls Kenji “half,” explaining to them in lengthy diatribes about the implications of their statement? Probably not. No one person in particular is to blame. Much like being told “Wow! you use chopsticks so well!” — or “You speak Japanese very fluently!” after having only said “konnichi wa” — it’s the multitude of trespasses that grates more than any one particular offense.

It’s difficult to turn the tide of an entire culture individual by individual. But is there any other way? I explain my concerns to a few Japanese friends and I encourage them to pass them on to their acquaintances. I tell them to always keep in mind that a half-Japanese person may have lived their whole life in Japan, only speak Japanese and be effectively monocultural.

Hopefully, through these small conversations, a greater recognition of these issues can eventually be reached. Japanese culture, for all it’s beauty and nuances, is slow to shift, but it is not immobile; and for change to happen, shared understanding is all it takes.

Send comments on these issues and story ideas to community@japantimes.co.jp .

  • Michael Willard

    I have had a different experience. When anyone sees my kids they ask how old they and then say “he is cute.” Never once has anyone ever said anything about them being half. I have been asked if I’m American and then the conversation turns to me and if I like Japan. And if they choose to identify them as American/Japanese that’s fine with me. My oldest is 8 and the bullying hasn’t come up yet but I’m sure at some point it will. The only difference I have seen raising them here is the schools and city office are more health conscious than in America and the fact he is “half” he seems to have every kid in school wanting to be his friend. It sucks you have had a different experience. Maybe it will get better. When I first moved here everybody stared at me. Now it’s just the crazy guy down the street. But he still says hello when he sees me…

  • David

    It’s funny how what you’ll tolerate for yourself you won’t put up with when people do it to your kid!

  • mariamuse

    No disrespect, but I think this is much ado about nothing. My husband is half Japanese and our daughter is a gorgeous quarter, also mixed with Greek and Polish. People swoon over her…so what.

    • EastAsianNationalism

      The author is blind to his own privilege: Being allowed to live in a country where he is not the ethnic majority.

      This stuff about “being offended” is trivial, especially in non-Western countries.

  • Rufus

    But in my case, cultural integration is not something I’m seeking. I can live, work and get along just fine in Japan as the perpetual “guest.” But I wonder how it would be to grow up like this. How would a lifetime of these “psychological micro-aggressions” affect an individual? Could that person ever truly feel Japanese? Would they even want to? Or does it rob them of part of their cultural heritage? These are questions that only bicultural individuals can answer.

    This was the most eloquent and poignant way I’ve ever seen this described. Thank you for putting to words what I’ve always felt but never quite managed to aptly describe.

    • Sam Gilman

      Do you think, for example, that someone who is non-white could never feel “truly British”? What’s the difference with here?

  • Tal Canita

    Half, double so what? 50% white+ 50% Japanese tend to get more positive attention in Japan so stop whining. Think of all the others who are 50% Japanese +50%non-white, see if they enjoy the same privileges or attention as your kid does. Be thankful!

    >People are much more than the sum of their physical characteristics.

    True, but do you think you’d end up with a Japanese wife as easily if you were non-white (or non-from-inner-circle?)? Look at the statistics. Japanese like white more than others and you’d have to admit, that your skin color and physical characteristics played a factor. Just saying.

  • Kevin

    Mr. Surdick, you are an ambassador of the new, and need not to worry about the stereotyping. Instead, shine through and reveal how positive it is to be a leader of the future.

  • TokyoJules

    I’m Australian and my husband is Japanese. Our children (17 & 18) were born in Japan but also lived 7 yrs in France during elementary school. Upon arrival in France at age 6, my son said to me, “why isn’t anyone taking my picture mum….don’t they know I’m cute”…… I was stunned by this comment. I assured him he was very cute but that people in France didn’t do that. He was fine!

    This was obviously a result of spending the first 6 years in Japan and when out *alone* with my Japanese husband, would have his picture taken dozens of times each day. People were less likely to approach me to take pictures…lol……..interestingly, my daughter was not phased by suddenly not having her photo taken every 5 mins.

    At 17 and 18, the kids don’t care if someone refers to them as “half” and actually not a lot of people do to their face……I used to insist they were “double” when they were babies because the idea of being “haafu” was insulting to ME…….these days, I don’t worry about it.

    My kids know who they are and actually identify with Japan, Australia and France.

    • Masa Chekov

      To be honest, 100% foreign kids get the same photo treatment in Japan every day, too. I sometimes go out with my friend and his very blonde children and everywhere we go people fawn over them and take pictures, etc.

      • TokyoJules

        Perhaps not 100% of foreign kids but for sure many get similar treatment when it comes to photo taking in Japan but the difference for half Japanese kids in Japan is that Japan is their permanent home, they are Japanese by nationality, they are not ex-pats here for 5yrs or less and this behaviour makes them feel unnecessarily different (good or bad) to their Japanese friends and family.

        Like when my kids would be out with their Japanese cousins and the cousins wonder why people were not interested in taking their photo as well……just an unnecessary interruption.

        Since my kids are adults now…..it’s up to them to deal with this kind of stuff…….which they do very well..

        • Masa Chekov

          It is annoying to feel like you don’t fit in, especially as a kid. I stick out a bit myself and even as an adult I’m asked to pose for pictures more often than I would like. (I usually turn this on its head and insist on taking reciprocal pictures. After all, if I am to be treated like an alien I am sure as heck going to act like one!)

          I do hope that as time goes on more and more Japanese people realize that Japanese people are increasingly diverse-looking, and that many people who don’t look “typically Japanese” call this country home.

  • Sam Gilman

    While I respect the desire of parents who want their mixed-race children referred to as daburu, I do get annoyed with a recent trend of such people insisting that “haafu” is offensive and wrong and daburu is definitively better. Personally, I really don’t like the term “daburu”.

    Personally, I think that insisting that my children are “bi-cultural” or “double” because of their racial heritage when they are born and raised in Japan effectively reinforces the myth of the racial immutability of what it is to be Japanese – y’know, that myth we’re all supposed to be against. My kids are bilingual, they have a foreign parent, but hey, that’s just what rather a lot of Japanese are, and are going to be like, and I’d like that understood should my kids decide for themselves that’s how they want to be seen.

    “Haafu” for me is simply a factual truth – that one parent hails from elsewhere. It really does not seem to carry any general negative connotation, and it doesn’t logically preclude someone actually being treated as straightforwardly Japanese. On the other hand, to me, “daburu” is a political term based on certain parents’ choice of identity for their kids that I don’t think it’s mine to make, and based on a certain view of how “culture” works that I think is wrong and unhelpful. People may feel this is an unfair representation of what they mean by “daburu”. All I can say is, this is how that side of the argument comes across to me.

    As for “where are you from?” there’s a really simply answer for people to give if they have angst about being asked to go over their ethnicity. Talk about cit(y/ies) or town(s). In the end, that’s a lot more personal and shareable.

    And finally – I’m sorry, but the idea that mixed-race babies are cute is not just a Japanese thing. It gets said back home too (and let’s be fair: there aren’t that many in Japan yet. Let people get over the novelty). In any case, I love people thinking my children are as beautiful as I think they are. Not a lot of parents get that luxury.

  • Masa Chekov

    That’s fantastic, Max. I like that.

  • MP

    Come on! As a half, I really dislike how some people (usually the parents) try to make a big deal over half versus double. I’ve never felt 100% Japanese nor 100% American as an adult in her 40′s. Half fits me just fine. It’s interesting when I talk with other “halfs” how do they feel about it, overwhelmingly the term half wins out. Parents can call their kids whatever they want, but don’t force an identity of double on them if they don’t like it when they grow out of infancy. Let them decide and you might be surprised

  • MP

    When your kids get older they might not feel that way. Just don’t force them to use a label just because you prefer that

  • Jeff

    My son has also a double penis much larger than the average japanese men has.
    his feet and hands are also larger than his friends and he speaks 3 languages now

    and indeed he’s cuter than millions of japanese kids, a fact is a fact
    If we leave japan, he’ll be treated as an asian “inferior” so we stay here and wait him to start beating the other kids

  • Jeff

    It’s clear that the word should be changed, but they won’t do it as it causes conflict on us and helps japanese pure race kids to have an advantage “psychologically” over mixed race kids.
    I’m teaching my son to say them “no I’m not half, I’m your master dude! lick my shoes!!!”
    That’s the way to win a war and we’ll do it again and again.

    If you think my comment is offensive look back in history, read well and you will know why the world didn’t liked so much japan in the last centuries, they had been torturing millions of people just because they are not japanese and they have DOUBLE of everything

    BTW I’m not from the usa and also makes me angry to hear america referring to the US
    America is a continent you jap pranks

    • Gordon Graham

      Jeff, I’m pretty sure this article is meant for those who live in Japan. If you do live in Japan and only have the courage to say such things on the Internet and not directly to the people with whom you work and live, then you’re master to none but merely a slave to your own cowardice.

  • http://JapanDave.com David LaSpina / JapanDave

    As the father of a 6 month boy (a haafu), I understand the author’s point, but I completely disagree. I think some people are just looking for ways to be offended. As many others have pointed out in this thread, “haafu” does not mean “half”, it means mixed. If we translate we should translate. And mixed kids get more attention because they aren’t common. I haven’t traveled much in the world, but I would image that anywhere something isn’t common, that thing is going to get more attention when it appears. Foreign kids in general get a lot of attention here. I don’t think any harm is meant; people are just curious, that’s all.

    • P. Ijima-Washburn

      So what does quarter mean, then?

  • Gordon Graham

    Ka-ching! Nice plug, Megumi!

  • Samuel Ofoli

    MP and Yasu,are you saying you are not 100% a Japanese national.Japanese is used to refer to the citizens of Japan which comprises of various ethnicity like the Yamato,Ainus and the so called Half children etc.So,do not mix up ethnicity with nationality

    • Gordon Graham

      Right or wrong, Japanese is thought of as ethnicity by the Japanese. Whether that is technically wrong or not doesn’t really matter. It’s like religion, that God doesn’t exist doesn’t really matter to the believer. Just believing it makes it true. So you see, Samuel, Japanese is an ethnic group to the Japanese.

  • Cassandra Huffman

    I think…when people call my child “half” or say “Half dakara kawaii” I am more offended for other people’s children than my own. Fawn over my child if you will, but don’t say things about the color of her skin, or the shape of her eyes in FRONT of regular japanese kids. Those children are just as cute, and saying so in front of them will perpetuate that way of thinking (half is cute) They really only think that way in the first place because their mother’s taught them. I don’t care personally, but I do care about the stupidity of western “akogare”…I just want to teach my child, and every child that it is ok to love themselves, and not wish desperately to change who they are. So my goal, when I speak to other parents who automatically make some idiotic comment about how “cute” my child is because she is half….is that their child is just as cute, because ALL kids are cute…and pointing it out or making special ado over another child’s physical features (specifically) in front of their own child only hurts their own child. I ask them to please refrain from pointing out specific traits (skin color, nose shape, eye shape, etc) or referring to race. If you want to tell me that my kid is cute, by all means, go ahead…but she is cute because she is a child, not because she is a specific mixture of races.

  • nanka

    I myself was sometimes encountered with this question “Haafu?” myself, and I have the sama bad feeling about it. I did not want to offend anyone who likes to be friendly to little kids, so I mostly answered “ie, kanzen da jo!”. Most Japanese like puns and with this are starting to reflect the true meaning about the English word “half” and then apologize with a smile: Of course, she’s perfect… ;-)

  • Sam Gilman

    The word isn’t “half”. It’s “ha-fu”. That’s quite important. As others have pointed out, etymology of loan words is not the same as the definition of loan words (arubaito, maibaggu, etc.) Of course, if Japanese referred to my children as “hanbun”, I would think it strange and possibly offensive. But they don’t. They use the word ha-fu in a way that does not seem to carry any negative connotation, and which certainly doesn’t mean that these people are not Japanese in the civic sense. My children’s mother uses the word about them, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t see any of them as “half a person”.

    That there is a word that to Japanese (and to others who understand “ha-fu” is a Japanese not an English word) that is not derogatory is a good thing. If we start jumping from word to word (not ha-fu. Not daburu. Not mikkusu….) what I think we’re actually doing is responding to foreign parents’ nervousness about their own identity and their own hang-ups about their children’s identity. I don’t want a word that means anything more than parentally half-Japanese half-[enter nationality here].

    • qwerty

      yeah yeah. thanks sensei. ‘ha-fu’ comes from ‘half’ which means 50%. it’s used to describe mixed race kids that are half Japanese – like the other half doesn’t really matter

      • James

        qwerty, I agree. Yes, as people are doing here, it’s possible to argue about the etymology of “half/hafu” but, in essence, I also think that such children are being assessed as “half-Japanese” as though the other half doesn’t count. I remember reading an interesting essay about ten years back, published by an essayist who lived in Hiroshima (and whose name was familiar to me, although I can’t recall it now) who said that when people looked at his young son and said, “Ah! Hafu da!”, he’d gently say, “No, he’s not half, he’s both.” I found that to be a nice approach.

      • Sam Gilman

        No, it doesn’t mean “half”. It means “half X and half Y”. Japanese frequently abbreviates expressions like this. I don’t mean to be rude, but surely your Japanese is up to the level that you know this.

        • P. Ijima-Washburn

          I would argue that the half (ha-fu) means “half non-Japanese” as quarter (kuwo-ta-) refers to someone who is 1/4th non-Japanese.

  • Sam Gilman

    “Half ‘n’ half” is English. ha-fu ando ha-fu in Japanese is a cocktail or a pizza. How do you refer to your own mixed-race children in Japanese?

    • qwerty

      I just use their names

  • Matt Thorn

    Sheesh! What is it with the “obviously you don’t know the *real Japan*” ad hominem attacks, both on the author of this article and John here? Argue the merits, not whose CV is longer than whose. I’ve lived in Japan for a total of about 18 years over a period of about 28 years. I’m fluent enough in Japanese that I lecture to Japanese students in Japanese at a Japanese university 4 or 5 days a week (about manga and comics, as it happens), and I’ve also been a professional translator for 23 years. I also raised a “haafu” child (now 20) in Kyoto. And I served as the head of the PTA at his public Japanese elementary school for two years. How’s that for a credential? And as it happens, I completely understand both what the author says and what John says. Both are pointing to different facets of a complex reality, and both observations are demonstrably “true.” I could quibble with both of them about this or that detail, but they both make important and valid points.

  • Lynda

    “Indeed half is an offensive term in English, but I don’t think Japanese people are trying to use it like that.”

    If that is so, I suspect those Japanese people who put signs “no foreigners” on their shops, or don’t understand the problem of “comfort women” or touch people who are blond aren’t understanding that these positions are understood as offensive by others. I have often observed a cultivated blissful ignorance about it.

  • Jen

    I am a 30-year old half japanese, half canadian woman and have never ever thought of myself as ダブル! thank you for this amazing pespective!

  • ターニャ・tanja

    Im not half japanese but half swedish and persian. When i lived in sweden where there are alot of “half” the word “half” doesnt really come up. But is the “half” feeling is there all the time. When i was with my swedish friend… “oh ur thinking is like a persian” when I was with my persian friends “its clear u got swedish blood in u” In the beginning it was hard finding your identity pendling between the both groups.

    When I moved to japan ofc. not half japanese but even so oh ur a half ! the attitude i got in japan was really positive tho! being billingual and such ! It was more out on the table tho, i thought it was a relief!

    In sweden it felt like I was a half all the time not really fitting in even tho the world half never came up.. Even if the word “half” comes up or not.. its there doesnt matter what country i think.

  • Hoko Horii

    I think: The fact that the word ‘half’ exists is more than the fact itself. It tells us many other things, people’s expectation, thoughts behinds words, and it also affects on them as vice versa.
    Is there any gathering/community of parents of ‘half’ Japanese? I’d like to join if there is, and if there is not, we could organize one?

  • Mark Makino

    Both haafu and daburu are stupid. The pernicious myth of racial purity lurks behind both. But at least haafu (coming from most people) has an unpretentious, innocent type of stupidity. People who say “daburu” are compounding ignorance with vanity.

  • qwerty

    but it comes from the word “half”, it sounds like the word “half”, and let’s be honest, it pretty much means “half (Japanese)”.
    I don’t think people who use it (like my kids’ grandparents) are racist, I just don’t like the word.
    That’s fair enough, isn’t it?

  • Sam Gilman

    “Are you too Japanesey?”

    Wow. You sound rather unsettled here, qwerty. Are you sure there’s not a deeper problem than terminology with your feelings on the issue?

    • qwerty

      resorting to weak personal attacks, probably projecting your own insecurities, won’t change anything…

      “Every miserable fool who has nothing at all of which he can be proud, adopts as a last resource pride in the nation to which he belongs; he is ready and happy to defend all its faults and follies tooth and nail, thus reimbursing himself for his own inferiority.”
      ― Arthur Schopenhauer

      • Sam Gilman

        Qwerty, your comments in general express a paranoid mistrust of Japanese (you think they see your child as half a person) and in your last post you directly associate being “Japanesey” with an inability to empathise.

        It’s only fair to ask you how comfortable you are personally with your children being half Japanese, given what appears to be rather a strong antipathy to Japanese people in general. Does “ha-fu” remind of the half that perhaps deep down you’re struggling to accept? You’re not alone in this: I’ve seen many westerners (usually fathers) feel threatened by their children growing up in a culture these fathers don’t really trust.

        I’m fine with ha-fu because I see it as short for half-X half-Y, and shortened in the way lots of Japanese phrases are shortened. I have never geaed the word used derogatorily. Why do you see it differently?

        • qwerty

          this is getting tiring… “too japanesey” clearly meant (in context) that, like many “guest gaijin” here, you take any criticism of japan personally and defend it “tooth and nail” (see the quote above, again)
          this seems pretty clear in your personal attacks
          “deep down struggling to accept”… i must have hit a nerve for you to resort to that kind of amateur reverse psychology
          i’m fine and dandy here in japan – i like it – i just don’t like the word “half” or “ha-fu” – and you can’t make me like it!

          • Sam Gilman

            qwerty, you’ve called me a “fool”, a “guest gaijin”, “insecure”, based on nothing more than my disagreeing with you about the meaning of a word in Japanese. Please don’t try and hide such uncivil behaviour behind the mantle of victimhood and pretend I’m being abusive.

            It’s not a personal attack to suggest that your aggregated comments about Japanese appear to be negative. It’s an assessment of what you say. You used “Japanesey” in the context you used it was clearly negative. Personally, I would hate it if I felt my children were being generally being treated as half a person, and people were regularly “subtly, subconsciously” offensive towards me because of my ethnicity. If I were you, I certainly wouldn’t say “I’m fine and dandy here in Japan”. My kids are too important for that. Aren’t they for you?

            Your explanation of what you meant by “Japanesey” was particularly revealing. All I’m doing here is saying a particular word is not offensive, and that those who find it offensive are either simply mistaken in how the word is used, or are looking for offence. For example, in the sentence “Furansu-jin to doitsu-jin no ha-fu” (“A person who is half-French, half-German”), there is no way that the word “ha-fu” can be taken to mean “50%”. It wouldn’t make sense. It only makes sense if it is taken roughly to mean “person with parents from different countries or ethnicities” ie “mixed”. I presume you speak Japanese well enough to understand this. (You do realise that “ha-fu” is not simply applied to people who are half-Japanese, don’t you?).

            Yet because of my opinion you call me “guest gaijin” and “fool” and accuse me of defending Japan “tooth and nail” against “any criticism”? This is an incredible over-reaction. You think I’m projecting insecurities? Is this projecting projection? Are only negative views of Japanese society valid?

            By the way, the term “guest gaijin” is itself rather offensive. Why do you want to diminish my stake in this society by referring to my ethnicity? I am a working, taxpaying parent and a long-term resident. I’m nobody’s “guest”, thank you very much.

  • qwerty

    i’m wasting my time here – if there was a smiley face slapping itself i’d use it

  • qwerty

    tremendous for them

  • qwerty

    you seem to have a reasonable grasp of english

  • Kenji too

    I wouldn’t either if my father were American nikkei, since I agree there’s nothing “half-American” about being an ethnically mixed American.

  • Denny Pollard

    I don’t know want part of the western world people don’t call mixed races half. I am half native American Cherokee and Irish and was always teased about be mixed blood goes with the territory. Here in Japan with my native Japanese spouse of 37-years we discussed having children before marriage. We knew if we had a child they would suffer being mixed race so we chose not to have children knowing what I went through in the U.S.

    You are right Japanese don’t mean anything by saying half it’s awkward for them as well being a pure race and not having mixed children in Japan especially where I live in Tohoku. You must of known before you had a child what to expect here in Japan with a mixed race child. Japanese don’t
    have a word for mixed children so they borrowed an English term “half”
    something they can understand. For me I don’t see an issue with it and think you should not make it something it is not. I don’t think “half” segregates people who are culturally, linguistically and genetically part-Japanese from the rest of the society in which they have been raised form my experiences.

    Here in Tohoku I have never been referred to as “gaijin” and have ever heard anyone here call me gaijin. Again I take of offense to being called a gaijin as that is the proper term. It’s not a racial term as some race baiters would like others to believe. I live in Japan not as a guest, but as a permanent resident that has adapted to the culture and getting along just fine.

    As far as race goes I do not think Japan has to change anything we who chose to live in Japan must adapt to the Japanese culture and not try and force our
    values on the Japanese culture or it’s people. I also think it is wrong to use a platform like the Japan Times to promote race issues where none exist being half or a full gaijin.
    I do take exception with the way this article was written, why and for what purpose. Japan does not and should not change it culture or thinking just to make someone feel good about their life decisions. As a side note I have lived in Tohoku, Kyushu and Kansai areas and never was called a gaijin. So from my life experience get over it and move on.

  • Mike Wyckoff

    Anytime my Japanese friends ask me “nani Jin” my child is, I say “ningen” . The topics changes away very quickly! I recommend all those foreigners with kids in Japan to try it!!!

    • http://twitter.com/ierika iErika

      i say ninjin.

  • Megumi Nishikura

    I too was responded to in a similar fashion when I introduced myself as half Japanese/half American on a Japanese American forum recently. “American is not a race” they said. However, I was not introducing my self by race but rather my nationality and cultural background.

  • Megumi Nishikura

    Thanks Richard. I try to help people understand they come from the same root when people tell me why they prefer hapa over hafu. While I don’t think anyone has the last say on the definitions of these words, when you track the development and movement of these words, you start to see differences in who/how people identify with these terms.

  • ひろみ

    Uhhh I’m half Japanese and I love it ^^ I don’t get Offended when they call me a hafu…because that’s what I am. I do get treated a little differently but not in a bad way. If you’re not a hafu then don’t talk for us… obviously you’re talking from the media ==

    • ひろみ

      and I like being called cute! >~< what's so bad about that!….the author points out that it bothers her when Japanese call her son "cute" but not because he's actually cute but because he's a haafu…well duh…because haafu's are known for being good looking…and how does she know if whoever called her son cute, actually thought he was cute… gosh…would you want your son to be called ugly?

  • yoshi

    As Guest mentioned, the correct terminology should be “mixed,” not “half.” That being said, it is a lost cause to correct English words used in Japan. Let them call children of mixed race “haafu,” and non-Japanese people “gaijin”–for now. Americans still call Japan “the Far East” and “the Orient.” There will be a day when our offsprings will be 1/8 or 1/16 Japanese, or vice versa, in which case the Japanese would continue to call them “haafu” and “gaijin” regardless of their citizenship. I guess by that stage, we may be referring to bi-racial or mixed race children, “sansei” or “yonsei” “gaijin”. BTW, those “haafu” kids will need to choose their citizenship when they turn 21. Selchuk, you have nothing to worry about!

  • IanPG

    The author talks references a point about the “Hafu image projecting the ideal type”, and the ideal type is of course half-western – whatever that means racially. The ideal half is referred to is clearly half-white.

    The world outside of Japan is bigger than the west and the west is no longer white. Modern Japanese are well aware of this, I would think. So, is there a hierarchy of Hafus in Japan? Where a half-Korean is on a different level than a half-German who is again viewed differently from a half-Brazillian. It will be interesting to see how Japanese society deals with multiracial, multi-ethnic identities in their midst.

    Because, more and more non-western, non-Japanese will be interacting with Japanese inside their society as the BRIC countries rise and the west itself grows ever more diverse.

  • http://www.nihongogo.com/ Jeffrey T.

    In America I find mixed raced kids are still called halfies. Stop being so culturally sensitive, casual racism is not unique to Japan. Get over it. Having a kid being called a half is the least of your worries.

  • Sam Gilman

    Exactly. Why on Earth should someone born and raised in Japan not be able to feel they are truly Japanese?

    I’m sure the commenter just hasn’t thought this through, but the implications are actually quite racist. There might be some idiots who would deny the person is Japanese, but that kind of nonsense happens everywhere. (See Fox News’ reaction to a black President) There’s no need to agree with them.

  • Dan Wiberg

    You live in a country that is mostly one race. They aren’t used to seeing someone different (especially a baby). Deal with it.

  • Tyas

    The issue that is addressed here may indeed look quite farfetched, though, I think that the persons who make those “innocent” well meant “compliments” should know and understand that their “compliments” aren’t always understood as such.

    The example given above is that of a “half” Japanese – Western baby, but doesn’t everyone here has ever heard one of the following “compliments” at least once? “So cool, your eyeholes are so deep” (Kakkoi! Hori Fukai ^^) or “What a tiny face!” (Kao Chichai! (O.O) )

    This kind of “positive racism” exists in many forms within Japan and indicates not only, how alienated Japanese society is but also how low the affinity is with things foreign. In today’s world, you’d expect (request?) that foreigners aren’t being handled as rarities or exotic objects that are expected to accept any or all absurd comments that are being made about their appearance. They should be respected and treated as fellow human beings, which is the civilized thing to do.

    This is what is expected from a globalized country and this is where Japan needs to open it’s eyes as they are already miles behind.

  • Darryl Baker

    It seems like the author doesn’t like being “classified”. I’d say that is karma pure and simple. I’m sure he has been taking his “normal” traits for granted all of his life. He is now getting a dose of what race classifications do to people emotional state. Oh the irony.

  • Itsrealfunnythat

    Are you half anything? Because if youre not and youre telling other people how they should feel maybe you are ignorant. Just because you dont have a problem does not mean there isnt a problem.

    • haberstr

      I’m not telling people what to think or how they should feel. I’m just saying two things are absurd. My daughter is half; she and her dozen or so ‘haafu’ friends think the ‘debate’ over the word is uncomfortable nonsense (or ‘weird’ to put it in teenager language).

      • Itsrealfunnythat

        I think teenagers dont see the differences until they get a little older unfortunately…

  • Itsrealfunnythat

    I think you completely missed the point of the entire article.

  • P. Ijima-Washburn

    You seem to be one of the few people who got the point of the article. I tell people that my daughter isn’t cute because she’s mixed heritage, she’s cute because her mom is gorgeous.

  • P. Ijima-Washburn

    “it defined them and not me”
    Exactly. This is the best way to process this that I can think of.

  • KareemAbdul

    May I kindly suggest you focus on making your child, and potential future children, feeling loved and accepted.

    It’s important to have a strong sense of self-esteem and wellbeing regardless of what others perceive.

    I’ve heard all of the half and gai-jin and “me ga okii” comments… but despite having several children people remember the names.

    (From the point of view of the parent of several children with several citizenships fluent in three languages).

    Peace

  • disqus_1VyLgOUNws

    this is how minorities feel throughout the world. #whiteprivilegeproblems

  • FcsevenXIII

    I hope the Japanese are nicer then the folks then what I had to deal with. Growing up half Hispanic in the Midwest of the United States was terrible. From students beating the crap out of me to parents not letting me in their houses I’ve been through it all. Being treated like crap and a second class citizen really sucks. I hope your child has it easier then I did.

  • kotegawa

    People aren’t seeing the point of the article. The point isn’t that the word hafu is racist, but that people shouldn’t label someone only by that. It really gets annoying for someone who has lived in Japan for most of their life to be called hafu, because it implies the other half is “different”. What would a half Hispanic person, for example, that has lived in the U.S. for his whole life, think if they were asked “can you speak English?” every other day?

  • haberstr

    Etymological ‘evidence’ is not evidence, because words have the meanings and connotations that users and listeners assign to them, and this can often have nothing to do with a word’s etymological history. Specifically, as you have in fact agreed, what goes on inside the minds of speakers of words like ‘gaijin’ and ‘haafu’ varies according to the speaker and the context. In communication there are other things going on besides the words, like body language or word intonation, and I bet that helps us understand (better than etymology, for sure) when a negative connotation is being made. Finally, a haafu is definitely half: he or she is ethnically half foreign and half Japanese, and to me that seems what people usually mean. You can read people’s minds differently and infer that what they ‘really’ mean is that a ‘haafu’ is half a citizen or half a person, but I think that’s unfair to most people who use the word.

  • DanDeMan

    That is a very good point, and it surely makes sense however be careful that you might be making the rest of the Japanese feel as they are half less as your son,…pointing out the ダブル in a corrective statement to them might also transmit the fact that they are not ダブル but suddenly the realize they are the SINGLE HALF ones,….not sure that they walk away happy from this emotional shock :-).

  • Chibaraki

    My family is bicultural, but visibly “white”. My family is proud of our biculural, multilingual identity. Members of our family, from various ethnic backgrounds, remark that the 16 grandchildren, all hybrid, are beautiful specifically because they are hybrid. We have good features from our mixed heritages. When people tell you that your child is cute because he is “hafu”, you can always say he’s cute because he’s “hybrid”, showing good looks from both sides. Attractive people get positive attention. The internal part, your child’s perspective and capacity as bicultural and bilingual, that’s up to you and him. You’re blessed. I hope that you can multiply those blessings. Good luck!

  • C321

    Yeah, in a ideal world maybe people wouldn’t do this, but half is almost always used in a positive way in Japan. I don’t agree that in the west it means anything negative either (half is often short for half/half anyway). Maybe we should just be happy most Japanese think being half is a good thing and don’t recall in horror as generations of westerns used to do when presented with a mixed “race” child. (Note I know race doesn’t exist in reality, but in some people’s minds.)

  • http://twitter.com/ierika iErika

    I’m a half, and I assure you, you will at times, be discriminated, especially if your other half is from an Asian country. I believe some or many Japanese think they are superior among any other Asian countries.

  • http://twitter.com/ierika iErika

    I’d definitely watch this.

  • William Dalebout

    It’s kind of bad form to take offense where no offense is intended.

    If you want people to see your kids for who they are, they have to get to know them. There really isn’t any other way.

    (proud father of three hafu boys)

  • Blahtacular

    To be offended by the word hafu is the equivalent of being offended by being a

    hyphen american.

    take that however you will…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Rothauser/692189125 David Rothauser

    I was born a half in America – half Jewish, half Italian. At the age of eleven I worked as a caddy on a golf course. One day a group of Italian-American kids asked me, “Hey kid, what are you?” I knew exactly what they meant. “I’m half Jewish, half Italian,” I answered. “You’re half good, kid,” they responded. 67 years later I was walking down the street in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood. A young man came up to me. “Are you a Jew?” he questioned. I nearly laughed. “Well, my father is Jewish, my mother – ” He cut me off, “Doesn’t count,” he said and walked away. So the judgement came full circle. Rejected by both sides of my “half” I could only conclude that in my advanced age, I have no future…

  • paulelan

    I am no expert on Japanese culture although my grandparents and their children were ‘guests’ of the Japanese emperor for some years. Mutual understanding on an individual base is always possible; it even made prisoners and guards look at pictures of
    their respective children and smile.

    When it comes to behavior in a social context however the combination of personal latent shame and supposed racial-cultural superiority makes a plain level understanding very complicated I believe.
    With all differences both culturally, genetically and otherwise mutual understanding can only exist on the basis of respect; both self-respect and respecting others. If accepting yourself is in the end only possible by conforming and identifying yourself with a genetical and cultural majority, a mixed identity will always be confusing.
    Inclusion and exclusion are powerful means to exercise power and as long as this is a base for social behavior, first impressions are serving a cultural identity that is based on (polite…) superiority over others.

  • sabetsu

    Regardless of whether “haafu” means “half” or “mixed” or “exotic” or “Martian,” it certainly means “not fully Japanese.” I think this is what the author is getting at. Japan as a dynamic culture has a long history of racist self-imaginings that endure in the present day, and it’s difficult not to react to the pernicious effect of all these daily micro-judgements as a parent. (We live in Europe now, as I would never want my bi-racial [East Asian but not Japanese] kids to go through the Japanese education system.) Some kids are tough and secure and able to deal with just about anything, but a fair bit of kids get either bullied or slighted regularly, made to feel “less than full” in Japan, and that’s just not cool.

  • Guest

    Often when languages borrow words, the words’ original meaning changes. It’s ridiculous to “correct” a foreign borrowed word as it is not English anymore.

  • Emi Watanabe

    It is interesting that I feel almost opposite with the same reason. I am a Japanese woman lives in U.S. and my children are half Caucasian and half Japanese. My daughter often came home from school telling me that her friends call her “Asian” rather than her own name. She heard so many Asian jokes and they are usually negative like, “Hey, why Asians look like they are sleep when they are awake?” or mimicking Asian accents (Usually mimicking Chinese Accent) to talk to her. Why?? She is not all Asian. She is half American and half Japanese. She is not Chinese. She is born in America who does not know much about Japan or speak English with an accent. She does not look all Asian or all Caucasian. She is somewhere in between. The fact is she is all American. I tried to teach her about Japanese culture and language, but the reality of being married to an American who does not speak Japanese, and having to work leaves me much chance to teach her. Japanese school is available, but too far from our house. I want to tell her that a part of heritage is something she can be proud of, but you know, reality is that Japanese culture or people means nothing to the most people she encounters here in U.S, but something different and weird.
    She is beautiful and people would recognize that, but I often wondered if I made a mistake in raising my children here in U.S. with all of this. I understand as a parent that we all want our children to be seen for who she/he is, and I want this, too. But that was not our experience here in U.S. I am not sure how she feels about herself and that she is a part Japanese. I suspect not favorably because that is the feedback she received. I am very sad about that. So, I guess, what I want to say is that while I understand what author is saying, I really don’t know if being called, “cute!!” or getting a lot of attention in Japan is as bad as what my daughter went through.

    • Inago

      I’m sorry to hear that. Don’t forget that some people in some places in Japan can be equally bad. Some places and some people in the US are notoriously bad, but I can also say from personal experience that there are places in the US that are notoriously more tolerant, where Asians are the norm, where mixed-looking children not uncommon and where you are likely to feel more comfortable. In Hawaii, mixed-looking children are the majority and my daughter was likewise called “cute”.

      I think you will always wonder if you made a mistake moving to the US, and you will never have an answer. There is some good and bad in every place, but in Japan you will always stand out. In Japan, your family will always be a curiosity or always an oddity.

  • Inago

    It could be worse of course, when my daughter was 3, she came home from her hoikuen repeatedly with bruises and two different bloody noses. It can be worse, and that is the reason I still secretly cringe whenever I hear the term “hafu”.

    Nonetheless, it is always refreshing that some people attempt any kind of friendly conversation, rather than blatantly ignoring different-looking people as some might do. Ostracizing and shunning others has always been the ultimate form of bullying in Japan. One of the hardest comments a man in a wheelchair encountered on a train in Japan was from a mother who told her child “not to look”. Not, “don’t stare”, but “don’t look”. People often ignored him, he said, to the point where it was often quite difficult to simply get around them.

    Japan doesn’t receive much multicultural education, and people in Japan are certainly not very educated about people who make up less than 0.1 percent of the population. It is really hard to say what people are thinking when they mutter the word “hafu”. Japan isn’t an entirely homogenous society: people have a variety of beliefs and perspectives–some are quite innocent and some are quite disturbing. Yet, fortunately, many people are starting to refer to bi-cultural children as “doubles” in Japanese I was told. There is no harm in lightheartedly correcting people of course: “we call her a double”. People easily see the point.

  • Jeremy

    My mother is Japanese and my father is Australian. I am a proud ‘halfie’ and have many friends from different asian backgrounds who are ‘halfies’ themselves.

    Hell, there’s a group on Facebook where halfies from all over the world join together to promote their heritage.

    Maybe this author is a little paranoid and needs to lay off the crazy pills because as a ‘hafu’ I have had positive feedback for my dual nationality in Japan.

  • Inago

    What do you call a Japanese child with a foreign-looking parent (who actually might have citizenship) who looks Japanese?Japanese. Certainly, there is a lack of logic to the term “hafu”, that is worth discussing. Certainly people shouldn’t be discouraged from making innocent comments (though we can’t assume they are innocent either), particularly if they are just making friendly conversation, but this kind of discussion isn’t an attack against Japanese society either.

    The author doesn’t mention derogatory or racist terminology. The author is discussing a term that is about Japanese citizens (in most cases), not half-citizens, but Japanese citizens grew up in Japan, who speak Japanese fluently and call Japan their home. No matter what people choose to call a Japanese person (who may or may not have a foreign parent) the term is still being applied to a Japanese person.

    In the past, many foreign-looking children ended up leaving Japan to find employment, and people often assumed they couldn’t speak Japanese or use Kanji. Perhaps we should wait and let our children decide how they feel about the term “hafu”, or perhaps, until then it is worth thinking about.

  • Susannah H

    I am ‘haafu’. My mother is Japanese, my father Russian/Italian. I can tell you from my own personal, lifelong experience that being ‘haafu’ in the eyes of Japanese people can be either completely inconsequential, something to be envious of, or, unfortunately, something that makes me inferior.

    I agree and disagree with the author’s point: I do think that those categorized as ‘haafu’ should be recognized as being a Japanese citizen as much as any Japanese citizen; however, I also rejoice in my “halfness” and the beautiful racial uniqueness it gives me. Yes, I want to have my cake and eat it too.

    John, I also agree and disagree with you. There is no “pretending” that there is a negative connotation to the word “haafu’. It exists. I can tell you 100% it exists. Is it rampant? No! Does it happen all the time? No! But, has it and does it happen? Yes. I hate to pull this card, but just because you’ve never experienced something personally doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I totally agree with your points – I don’t want Japanese people to think that because I’m haafu, they would need to linguistically tip-toe around me. Nor do I want them to think that gaijin parents are ultra-sensitive about their kids. But I don’t think that was the author’s point here.

  • disqus_ktBPDMLUkF

    I’ve never heard a Japanese refer to inter-racial children as HALF BREED…
    Half in Japanese terms means both parents genes…i’m half of my Japanese mother and Half of my Filipino father… whats politcally wrong about that?…My father is half Spanish, His father(my grandfather) is Spanish… and his mother (my grandmother) is Filipina/Chinese…
    Its the same as boasting that their children are Edokko (Children of Edo the old term for Tokyo) or Hamakko (Yokohama) Shimanchu (for the Islanders…eg. Okinawan)
    GET OVER IT… you’re crying over milk that hasnt even been spilled YET!…
    Maybe you should give your wife a break and take your son out to the park and loosen up…

  • 20smthgirl

    I totally agree with Murasaki.

  • ThreeDogs

    I just correct them … いいえ５６％外人です since my wife’s great grandfather was German.

  • Nevin Thompson

    Although I would never say the author of the article is “wrong” (you feel how you feel), personally hearing my children called “haafu” is a minor irritant – I don’t let it ruin my day. Maybe it has something to do with Fukui Prefecture, but I have enjoyed my 20-year connection to Japan.

    I would also recommend that the author learn to speak, read, and write Japanese at an adult level.

    Being able to interact as an adult profoundly changes one’s experience of living in Japan for the better (and helps move on from minor irritations).

  • Fleuret Zen

    This article was a thought-provoking read. I am a half myself and although I don’t live in Japan I frequently go back and spend holidays there and I find that half’s get a very particular kind of attention in Japan that other people don’t get.

    One thing I have found is the strangely intimate conversations on first meetings. When found out I’m a half, the next question tends to be ‘what kind of half?’, which often is followed up by, ‘which parent is non-Japanese?’ and ‘how did your parents meet?’ – if I asked the same back to my new jun-Japa acquaintance (perhaps which prefectures are your parents from, which parent is from Ehime maybe, how did your parents meet) they would go away thinking I was a strangely nosy creep.

    There’s a lot of cultural stereotyping of halfs and I hear that in recent times the term ‘double’ has come into vogue. This term is worrying given the pressures it saddles a child with, especially if the child is being raised monoculturally. ‘Double’ now suggests that the child ought to be able to speak the language of the non-Japanese parent and the parent fluently, and have the best features of both worlds in physical characteristics too.

    It is notable that when celebrities or models are halfs, there is a lot of suggestion in the media surrounding them that their halfness is the source of their good looks. The current half stereotype that they are physically attractive, fluent in multiple languages and often wealthy is quite a pressure on any kid just trying to grow up!

    As an aside, and another issue, what do people feel about the issue with Japan and dual nationality? Some suggest that it causes conflict in a sense of identity in halfs, who if they have been raised biculturally, have been raised to respect both cultures and love both countries as they might love their two parents.

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Glass half full: Japanese TV shows are full of cute 'half' young adults like Becky, but being a bit different isn't necessarily always a barrel of laughs in Japan. | KYODO

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