One day we'll wake up and the sky will be green, the grass will be blue and dogs will walk humans on leashes as gleeful gnomes burble in frothy rivers of chocolate. If all that seems like a reasonable proposition, then maybe you're ready for "Red Dawn," which asks us to believe that one morning we'll wake up and North Korea will have invaded and conquered the USA.

Ha ha, seriously. I know Kim Jong Un is trying his darndest to be Dr. Evil — reportedly machine-gunning his ex was a good start — but short of inventing a death ray or giant monster, it's hard to imagine the above happening. So while "Red Dawn" may be a war-action movie in name, for all intents and purposes it plays as comedy. Bad comedy.

"Red Dawn" is a remake of the equally dire 1984 movie by gun nut John Milius that appeared at the height of the Cold War. This was a time when Ronald Reagan could hallucinate about mighty armored spearheads from tiny socialist Nicaragua that were poised to invade Texas at any moment and people actually took him seriously. Nowadays the Soviet Union is gone, terrorism is the threat and the only things invading the United States are pesky snakehead fish, but the new "Red Dawn" acts as if the pinko threat never faded.